


Caught in the Middle

by dvorahbee



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, And love, Bipolar Disorder, Blow Jobs, Bottom! Isak, Depression, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Masturbation, Morning After, Self-Acceptance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Top! Even, banter love, bit of downer here and there, but will get brighter, just fyi they're versatile but it's not in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-02-07 03:00:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12831903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvorahbee/pseuds/dvorahbee
Summary: Even keeps seeing the cutest boy around campus and in his new favourite coffee shop. He'll slowly get to know Isak but he'll have to go on a journey of self-acceptance and love at the same time.





	1. Forest Green

The cold wind of the night was hitting his cheeks, but he didn’t mind. It helped him stay alert of his surroundings. He’d been walking for more than an hour now, and he was starting to itch for something. He wasn’t sure what. He was never sure what. He stopped in the middle of a random street he’d been walking in and leaned against a wall of a shop.

He reached for his packet of cigarettes deep in his pocket and lit one of them. He inhaled deeply, leaning his head back against the hard wall. The brick against the back of his head, his beanie and hood, the cold air on his face, the smoke in his lungs. It helped him stay anchored to the here and now. In the quiet night he heard the sound of bass pumping. He opened his eyes and searched for the source of the sound.

That’s when he saw lights coming out of a third-floor window of the building in front of him. There apparently was a party in that flat. Even wished he was in the mood for a party. Instead he was drowning in his own mind at eleven at night. He could see from where he stood the people dancing in front of the window. He looked at the second window of the flat, but it seemed to be a bit further from the dancing people and the flashing lights.

One boy was standing in front of it, seemingly frowning at something or someone. His hair was blonde and curly, and even from afar, his nose looked like the cutest nose Even had ever seen. He was entranced by this boy and his cute blurry face. He kept staring at him from his spot on the street for a little while. That was, until some short haired girl joined him and started talking to him from what Even would call a very close proximity. Even shook his head. His phone buzzed. It was Elias of course.

_When are you coming home?_

Even sighed and typed a quick reply telling him he was on his way back and that he should go to sleep. His friends always worried about him. Not like Sonja. Sonja worried _too much_. That was probably why she had always gotten along with his mum. They had the knack for policing his every move, which always grated his nerves to no end. That would also be why he had broken up with Sonja about a year ago. He’d wanted to start fresh. He’d wanted to start his new life as a university student as free as possible, and both Sonja and him knew they wouldn’t work any longer. He didn’t even know how they’d worked for four long years.

University had provided Even with that freedom. He’d moved in with Elias and Yousef, he followed courses that actually interested him and not doing what was expected of him. It was great. Just great. Except. Except he felt lonely. So very lonely. He wanted to connect with someone on a deep level. Someone who wouldn’t mind him being bipolar, someone who wouldn’t mind him babbling about the films he loved, someone who would like his friends and who would like them back, someone who would like to spend time with Even just for the sake of spending time with him, just for him. Someone who would love him.

Yes, his friends called him a desperate romantic, but he just wanted something, the closer it would resemble love, the happier he would surely be. Not something that would smother him as his relationship with Sonja did in the last one and a half year of it. Sometimes it felt like he asked too much of life.

 

When he came back to the flat, everyone seemed to be asleep, so he went directly to his room. After having changed into sweats, he let himself fall into bed, hoping that tonight he’d sleep. He couldn’t keep fucking up with his routine. “You need a well-established routine, Even. I know you’re young, and you _are_ allowed to have moments for yourself, but in order for the treatment to work you need to live a life that goes with it.” Even in his fucking bed he was hearing his therapist. He really needed a break.

That night he dreamed of a green forest and a comfortable breeze.

 

*

 

“Where the fuck were you?”

Even awoke slowly. He eyes were having a hard time opening. The light was shining and Even was somewhat still so very comfortable in his bed, ready to go back to sleep.

“I was worried, you dick.”

“Fuck off, _mum_ ,” Even mumbled sleepily.

He actually had managed to catch seven hours of sleep, and that was a whole accomplishment in itself. Now, however, Elias had woken him up before his alarm. Even was usually a morning person, but that was just against the law.

“Do you really speak to your mum like that? You better wash off that filthy mouth, young boy,” Elias exclaimed. That boy was made for theater.

He left Even alone to wake up slowly. He’d walked too much yesterday evening and now his legs ached. “There are consequences to every one of your action, Even.” Even groaned. Fucking therapist.

His lecture was at 9 so he had time to stay in bed for a little while, check his phone, put on clothes that weren’t sweats, and he was out.

He felt like getting his coffee from Starbucks this morning. He usually made his own at home (he was picky with his coffee) or would drop by at KB, but he felt like getting himself the queen of all coffees today.

He was standing in line, inspecting the coffee names, as if he didn’t know what he would get, when he heard a raspy voice. He turned towards the voice and saw an angel. Not a literal one because he hadn’t lost his mind yet. But the curly haired blonde boy at the window from yesterday was the actual barista. And okay. The boy was _very_ cute up-close.

Even looked at himself. He was wearing  a pair of denim jeans and a grey sweatshirt, but that’ll have to do. He wasn’t going to try and woo the guy anyway. Flirting in the morning was always a good way to wake him up. That and coffee.

Once in front of the boy, Even leaned against the counter. The smaller boy was looking down at the register.

“What can I get you?”

“Sweet,” and great. Even wanted to facepalm himself so hard. He made a fist with his hand in order to prevent himself doing it. He was ridiculous. 

“Excu-“ the boy started to say but cut himself off and stared at Even, open mouthed. His eyes were slightly wide, and they were green, a beautiful forest green. Well, how about that.

“I meant, a small caramel macchiato, please,” Even said, way smoother than before, thank God. Get a grip, you idiot. The barista made a face as he wrote down on the cup. “It there a problem?”

“No. Just, it’s like really fucking sugary, but good luck with diabetes. You do you.”

“Why don't you let me worry about my sugar level.”

“Sure, dude. Name?”

“Even.”

Even watched the boy repeat his name silently while writing it on the cup. His name-tag told him the barista’s name was Isak. It fitted him well, if anyone asked Even.

“47.53 crowns, please,” the boy – _Isak_ – said. Even gave him the bills. Their hands brushed, and Even’s skin was burning. Considering the look Isak was sporting, he wasn’t doing any better. OR, he thought Even was a weirdo, which, granted.

“Bye, Isak,” Even told him, smiling, and leaving the boy standing wide-eyed, while he waited for the other barista to make his coffee.

He tried to forget about cute barista for the day, to focus on his lectures rather than on the messy handwriting on his cup. Nothing specific was there besides ‘Even’ and ‘CM’ for Caramel Macchiato, but whatever. If the situation was reversed, Even would have added a smiley on Isak’s cup, or his phone number, because he was extra like that. But it wasn’t the case, and Isak was the barista who probably didn’t care much about another customer. Even sighed and tried, again, to focus on his class.

 

*

 

Two days later, there he was in line with Elias, having completely forgotten about the cutest barista in all Oslo. When they arrived in front of the counter Even looked down and saw Isak staring at his with his beautiful green eyes.

“Hey there!” Even exclaimed, smiling like an idiot. He felt Elias’s gaze burning his skull.

“What can I get you?”

“A sweet, sweet, caramel macchiato, please,” Even smiled.

“You need to stop drinking this shit,” Elias said, reminding him he wasn’t alone with Isak. “It’s all sugar and shit.”

“Told you,” Isak said while preparing the cup.

“While your argument is very compelling Elias, ‘it’s all sugar and shit’ really puts my whole life into perspective, I assure you, I can say for a fact that I will drink this mouth-gasm of a drink until death do us apart,” Even said. He heard Isak choke and smirked. “Mmh?” Isak shook his head in response. He looked at Elias.

“And for you?”

“Small mint tea, please.”

“Boring.”

“Shut up, not everyone can handle your hipster-diabetes-induced coffees.”

“Don’t knock it till you-“

“I’ll knock you if you finish your sentence.”

“So tense.”

“Um, guys? Can you, like, pay? There are people waiting,” Isak said, scratching his throat.

Even looked behind him and, yes, okay, there were quite a few people. They paid Isak, and Even put a few coins in the tip jar before winking (probably badly) at Isak and throwing a “see you, Isak” over his shoulder as Elias pushed him out of the way. This time he was sure he saw Isak smile.

“Is he your new prey or something?” Elias asked him when they were seated.

“what the hell? My _prey_?”

“Yeah, you know.”

“I really don’t.”

“Don’t be daft. It’s been a year since you’ve broken up with Sonja and ever since then you’ve only had casual relationships and really I enjoy these long break between them so much because I’m not really fond of hearing you and your sexual partners moan, but you usually treat them like shit, Even.” Even opened his mouth to deny but Elias kept on talking. “Yes, you do. And this one looks way too innocent for you.” Elias finished and looked Isak’s way. This time he was making coffee and frowning at the coffee machine. God he looked cute. But he also looked like anything could break him.

“He does a little bit.”

“More reasons for you not to fuck him up.” Elias must have seen the way Even’s face fell at that. “Not in that way, you know what I mean. You’re just going to have your way with him because you’re evil, and then he’ll fall in love with you because they all do, God help them, and you’ll probably end up breaking his heart.”

“I’m not… I’m not like that with everyone, am I?”

“Yes, you've been like that with everyone since Sonja, Even. I know it’s hard, you were in love and all that jazz, but stop messing around, maybe take time for yourself or something.”

“I just want something special, so special that I’ll feel it in my fucking toes,” Even said to his cup of coffee.  

“You won’t by having sex with everyone on campus and breaking hearts.”

“What if this time it’s different? I can’t find out if I don’t try, can I?”

“Sure, but can you like, take a break for yourself before diving into this? It’s almost finals week, so what about after?”

“What if he’s not single anymore by then?”

“How do you know he’s single now?” Elias raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t. I don’t know.”

“Well, if he’s taken then, then you'll take it as a hint of fate and you will just have to find another blonde and curly haired boy that looks at you with doe eyes,” Elias smirked and they both laughed.

 

Even if Elias’s way of saying it wasn’t the kindest, because he wasn’t a ball of mush after all, Even understood what he meant. He only had had casual relationships since he’d broken up with Sonja. If you could call them relationships. It was always the same plan – he’d flirt for a few days, the other person would flirt back, and they would somehow find their way into his or their bed. Most of the time it worked, the other times it didn’t. The persons would call him back, and Even wouldn’t know what to do so he wouldn’t call them, wouldn’t contact them, and wouldn’t even think back to the nights he’d spent with them, which was the whole point of all that.

He was trying to feel something, _anything_. He felt so numb and he was persuaded that the numbness would lead to an episode and he didn’t want it to happen while he was at uni. But none of the people he’d taken back home had made him feel anything. Sure, he’d felt release but there were no butterflies, no tightening of the heart, no stomach aches, no sprinkles in the top of the fingers, no mind-blowing orgasms either. Just plain old orgasms.

He thought about what Elias had said for a long while that night. Okay. Maybe he did need time for himself, to focus on his classes and on his life for a little while.

At least that’s what he kept repeating to himself until he saw Isak on campus the next week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here I am, back with another Evak fic, because I'm feeling better, and I love these two boys.
> 
> This one's a bit of a gamble. I don't known how many chapters there will be, that'll depend on the amount of work I'll have for uni, and it'll also depend on my emotional state, tbh.
> 
> First chapter is Even's point of view, I'm not sure about the second. It’ll maybe be Isak's. Who knows! I'm going wild with this one.
> 
> As always, hope you'll enjoy, non-native English speaker here so if there are mistakes I'm terribly sorry, also comment away and tell me your thought and guesses on what you think and what will happen next ;)


	2. Ocean Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even hates November and tries to be friends with Isak, just for a little while.

He’d been good last week. He hadn’t skipped one lecture, even the unnecessarily early ones, had more or less kept his regular sleeping schedule, had smoked only one joint, had prepared his coffee at home instead of going to the (overly priced) coffee shop. He also hadn’t missed his appointment this morning.

His therapist knew Even hated November with every fiber in his being. Not the weather, he actually loved grey and rainy weather. Rather the change in dynamics, the changing of time, everything was shifting, nightfall coming earlier than before, finals arriving soon, he basically lived in the uni library, and everyone was complaining about Winter being already there.

There was always something in the air, every November, that made Even feel like shit. Every year he struggled through it, waiting for December to come. “It’s completely normal. We all have that time of the year that brings us down. For you, it’s November.”

He kept hearing his therapist voice on his way to the library. She’d been in a particularly good mood this morning and wanted to talk about feelings. “If it’s getting you down, just call your friends, or you can call me.” Even had hated it. His own cheery morning disposition went completely out of the door in November, she knew that, everyone knew that. And feelings weren’t his favourite subject at the moment.

He waited for Elias on a bench, looking around. Everyone was already wearing scarves and beanies. Not that he was judging, he’d thrown on five layers before leaving the flat this morning. But _he_ was always kind of cold. Other people weren’t. Fucking November.

He wasn’t paying any attention to what the people around him were saying but he practically got whiplash when he heard a certain voice behind him. His head almost thought it was in The Exorcist so much that his head almost turned at 360 degrees. 

“Can you let it be just for one day, Jonas?” Isak sighed. He was standing a few meters away behind the bench where even was sitting. He was talking to another guy who was holding a skate in one of his hands.

“I’m just worried,” Skater-boy said.

“About me getting laid?”

“No. I mean, yes, but it’s not what this is about. We’re all just generally worried about you.”

“For fuck sake, I’m alright. I don’t need to fuck someone to feel good about myself, do I? Why are we even having this conversation? Also It’s fucking cold, why are we outside?”

“Stop deflecting. All you’ve been doing lately is working, studying, and you never come with us to parties.”

“Try working and going to uni, Jonas, and we’ll talk about it then. I’m just fucking exhausted and a party with drunk strangers is not my ideal idea of a relaxed evening.”

“Suit yourself, but we’re coming to yours tonight.”

After Isak agreed, they left. Even was left alone to think. They’d been standing pretty close and the bushy eyebrow-ed dude had said something about Isak working too much. Well, there went his hope that he was single. Seriously, fuck thi- hold on. He did say he was worried about Isak getting laid. Yeah, okay. They weren’t boyfriend. Otherwise that would be weird.

Even sighed. Isak had looked really cute, would it really hurt if he just popped at Starbuck for a minute to talk to him? No, Even. _Focus on yourself, focus on yourself, focus on yourself_.

“You look like you’re having an existential crisis,” Elias said as he sat down besides him.

“Nothing that drastic.”

“What is it then? Therapist appointment was shit?”

“When is it not?”

“When it’s not November?”

“I knew someone got me and this November bullshit!” Even exclaimed.

“I really don’t. I just know you have an irrational hatred for this month.”

“Not irrational, thank you very much. Dr Johansen said it was completely normal to have a certain period during the year when you feel like shit.”

“Agreeing with Dr Johansen now are we?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Laughing, they went to grab a bite at the cafeteria. Thank God, he had his friends to keep him going through this hell of a month. They didn’t really get the whole “November is a scam that’s only there to make us feel like shit” type of feeling, but they still helped him through it.

 

 

Elias had left an hour later because they both had lectures in the afternoon. Different location, different courses. Even’s afternoon lecture was actually a media class. It wasn’t the first one of the semester but he remembered something about the professor saying she’d talk to them about a project for the end of the semester.

He arrived early, which almost never happened. He was always late to this class, the reason of which completely eluded Even. Now he’d have a choice as to where he would sit instead of sitting right in front, which he hated.

He came into the class and looked around. It wasn’t a big class and there were computers everywhere that usually hid everyone’s face, so it made it a bit stuffy sometimes. He decided that the second row was good enough and went over there.

He came to an almost screeching halt when he saw that he actually wasn’t the only one who had arrived early. Isak – _Isak!_ – was sitting right there, playing on his phone. Even, almost on autopilot, went over him and sat just next to him. To hell with himself, just for a fucking hour. He’ll be just fine.

Even was still staring at him when Isak looked up and his eyes widened. Ah yes, there they were, the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

“Hey,” Even croaked out lamely. He scratched his throat. There was moment of quiet awkwardness, and Even hated it (he hated a lot of things these past few days) so he opened his mouth to say something, anything really, but he heard Isak utter the most unexpected sentence he’d ever said in Even’s presence. Although he hadn’t talked very much in his presence, but still.

“Your eyes are so blue, what the fuck?”

“Um, what?”

“Wow okay. Definitely didn’t mean to say that out loud. Shit.” Isak was blushing and Even tried, he really did try, to not find it endearing as fuck.

“But you thought about it,” Even smirked. And just like that, his flirting mode was back on. Isak made an intelligible noise and turned toward his computer. Other students had started filing in. Even paid them no mind.

“I didn’t know my favourite barista was in this class.” Smirk still on Even’s lips.

“You’re always late, that might be why.”

“So you’ve noticed, interesting.” Isak blushed even harder. Jesus, this boy.

“It’s just because you’re always making a ruckus when you come in, not that you’re noticeable of anything,” Isak said in a rush.

“Ouch,” Even put a hand on his heart, pretending to be hurt. Maybe he was, just a little bit.

“Not like _that_. You know what I’m just going to stop talking. Oh, hey, the professor’s here.”

Isak turned to the professor and that was it. The class started, and Even only half listened because Isak was _right next to him_. That was reason enough. He did, however, hear when she’d said that the project was going to have to be a group one.

 

Just like that, the hour was up and everyone was packing up to leave. Should he? Should he ask Isak to pair up with him? He could focus on himself and be friends with Isak, couldn’t he? That sure would work.

“So?” Even said as soon as he’d caught up with Isak outside the classroom. Isak looked at him, surprised.

“So?”

“Do you have a project partner?”

“I don’t.”

“Wanna pair up, then?” Charming-self mode: activated. Not that he needed it. He wasn’t flirting. He WASN’T.

“I’m sure you don’t want me as your partner.” Oh, but he did, he really fucking did. To be _friends_ , of course.

“Why’s that?” Even raised an eyebrow.

“This is not my major, this is only my compulsory option.”

“What’s your major?”

“Biology.” Cute and clever. Fuck his life. _Not_ that it mattered.

“Right. Even more reason why we should work together. I’ll do all the work while you sit and look pretty.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Do all the work?”

“Yeah, that also, but flirting to convince me to pair up.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Isak raised a dubious eyebrow at him. “It’s really not. I’m just a flirtatious guy. And, I’m pretty sure you’d gain some media knowledge by working with me.”

“Cocky, much?”

“Just the truth.”

“I don’t need knowledge, though. This won’t be of any use for my biology studies.” Isak said as he started walking away. Boy, was he hard to convince.

“Yes, sure, but you do need to pass.” Isak stopped walking at that.

“Yeah, okay.” Isak turned around and put a warning finger in the air, “on one condition.” Even nodded. That worked. He couldn’t believe that worked. “Calm down with the flirting.” Well, shit, okay.

“Sorry if that made you uncomfortable. It definitely wasn’t my intention. Not that I did have any intention. I told you I’m just like that with everyone.” Not true, but Isak didn’t need to know that. Isak smiled a little and that made Even feel a little less like an asshole. Some people didn’t like flirting, after all, but Even liked teasing Isak. Even if they just had to be friends. For now.

“I’m sure you are. Let’s just work on this project and you can resume your flirty persona after, deal?”

Even agreed and Isak said a quick goodbye before leaving in the other direction. Okay so that went quite differently from what he’d expected. No matter. Friends don’t flirt. He could totally not flirt when Isak and him would meet.

Wait. He completely forgot to ask Isak for his phone number. For the project. _Shit, shit shit_. Even would have to go to the coffee shop tomorrow morning. Maybe he’d have to hide this little fact from Elias, for now.

 

*

 

He’d spent twenty minutes, trying to tame his hair the morning after, but Elias had asked too many question about why it was taking him so long to do his hair. So he’d just put on a beanie and fled out of there. No need to tell Elias he was trying to make friends with Isak. “You’re just making it worse, Even.” He could hear him from there.

Once in front of Isak in Starbucks. He smiled broadly. He did look cute with the apron on.

“Hey, Isak,” Even brought Isak out of his reverie.

“Hey. You look...cozy," Isak said eyeing Even's numerous layers of clothes.

"Nothing wrong with being warm," Even shrugged.

"Sure. Here to drink your daily dose of sugar? Although you haven’t been for a while.” Even raised an eyebrow. _You did notice_. Isak shook his head and took a cup in his hand. “Shut up. Same as usual?”

“Yes, sir.” God, Even needed to stop being lame. As soon as possible. Isak rolled his eyes and it was so cute, Even couldn’t even bring himself to facepalm.

“Remind me your name?”

“Now, that’s just rude.”

“That’s what it does when a customer doesn’t come for a week. I tend to forget.”

“Just so you know I’m very offended right now.”

“And I’m shit at remembering names.”

“You work at Starbucks…”

“I love being paradoxical. Now, name?”

“Even,” Even sighed. The banter with this boy was making him feel more alive by the minute and was a light in this void of a month. “Add your phone number while you’re at it.” Isak looked at him quizzically. “You did agree to pair up for that media project. We will have to meet up at some point.”

“Right. I forgot about that.” Isak wrote on his cup and gave it to his colleague who was the one brewing the coffee today. “Money, please.”

“So rude. I’m sure you can’t be that rude to customers. I should have a word with your superior.”

“Sure, sure,” Isak rolled his eyes as he reached for the money Even was giving him. “Bye, Even, enjoy your caramel macchiato while you’re still young.”

“Bye, Isak. Leaving you is so hard, you always say such sweet things to me,” Even said as he went over the end of the counter to wait for his coffee.

He’d left Isak rolling his eyes, once again. Maybe he could keep up points for every time he made him roll his eyes. “You know that sometimes, you have to act like a grownup because you are one.” Shut up, Dr Johansen.

 

 

When he came back to the flat he went straight to his room and sent a quick text to the number Isak had written messily on his cup. Yes, he’d brought it back with him, whatever.

_Hey, it’s Even. Would you like to meet up to look for a theme of for our project?_

He put his phone on his bed, trying not to expect too much. Just friends.

He went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich to distract him from impending doom. He was sure Isak would roll his eyes at his theatrics. God he needed to stop thinking about Isak.

Elias was on the couch, laptop on his belly, while he was editing a video for his Youtube channel.

“Hey,” Even said as he got all the ingredients out of the cupboard and fridge.

“Yo,” Elias said not looking up from his laptop.

“You working a new video?” Elias finally looked up from his screen and squinted at him.

“Are you smiling?”

“What if I am?”

“It’s fucking weird is what it is.”

“I smile a lot, what are you on about?”

“You do, but not when it’s November and even less on therapist day.”

“Should put that as a bank holiday,” Even grumbled.

“See? I’m not complaining dude, you know I’d rather have you smile and shit, but I’m just finding it weird for today.”

“I’m-“ what? What was he? _Oh yes, I’m totally happy because Isak is actually in one of my classes, and we paired up for a project so now we have each other’s numbers and we’re going to meet up during the week. I’m definitely trying to be just friend with him but he’s so cute I want to cry and want to stroke he’s gorgeous angelic face every time he rolls his eyes at me._ How’s that for happiness? Nope. Not saying that. “I just realised we have only a week an a half into November. It’s not that bad, after all.”

“Wow. Optimistic Even? In November? Here, pinch me, I want to be sure I’m not dreaming?”

“Fuck off,” Even laughed.

“He laughed! Angels are weeping!” Elias shouted.

“Bye, Elias,” Even said as he went back to his room. And thank God he did because if he had looked at his phone there he wouldn’t have been able to repress his smile right now.

_Hi, Even. I can tomorrow at 15:00. Also, I totally added you as ‘Blue Eyed Even Caramel Macchiato” on my phone._

_That’s a long name._

_I’ll manage._

_Do you have a problem with my eyes?_

_They’re just really fucking blue. Like, who has eyes like that?_

_Me, apparently._

_It’s like you’ve got two tiny oceans on your face._

_Are you, perhaps, complimenting me?_

_I’m not. It’s just weird._

_Double ouch._

_You’re weird._

_I am. Get used to it, we’re meeting up tomorrow. I’m going to flaunt my weirdness all over._

_Please, don’t._

 

 

That evening Even was ready to go to bed and his smile hadn’t left his face since his text exchange with Isak. He could totally do friends if that meant bantering with Isak 24/7. His phone buzzed, and he thought it was Isak, so he reached for it quickly. Big mistake. The smile did indeed leave his face.

_Hey, Even. It’s going to be all over Facebook soon, so I just wanted to be the one to tell you. David and I got engaged last week, as we were moving into our new apartment. We’re planning on a wedding for next year and I really would like you to be there when the time comes._

 

The tiny feelings of happiness he’d got from talking to Isak went out of the fucking window as quickly as it’d come.

“Engaged.” “New apartment.” “Wedding.” The words didn’t add up. Or, they did, but they felt heavy, so heavy, in Even’s mind. Sonja had moved on, he knew as much, he also did. But that? He hadn’t expected _that_.

_Wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding, wedding._

The words kept replaying in his head and it became difficult for him to swim through his thoughts. Difficult to breathe through the heaviness of the news. Sonja knew what this month did to him, but she still decided to text him her news. Big news. Happy news. Sonja had her life together. What did _he_ have? A flat-share with his two friends? A uni life? Classes? A therapist? Pills he had to swallow down every day? He’d got nothing, and she was getting everything.

It was about jealousy. It was about feeling stuck in the same place over, and over again. The hell of repetition taking charge of his life. Even knew that when he started thinking this way there was no getting out, or at least not now. He pushed his phone aside and laid down in bed. Closed his eyes and slept.

He slept and slept and slept. Heard Elias and Yousef talking to him through the numbness of the news pushing him down, down, down. “Even, you need to get up, you’re going to miss your classes.” “Even, just tell me what’s wrong?” “Even, your phone kept going off I answered it, it was Isak. We’ll talk about it later, but I told him you couldn’t come.” “Is it about Sonja?” “We’re here for you.”

Nothing made sense. He kept being a burden for his friends, and for everyone. Like he’d been for Sonja and now that she was free she was getting her life together, a new flat, a new husband. Where was _his_ new life?

Fucking November.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woops, my hand slipped.
> 
> So. I'm sorry if this chapter feels like a bit of a downer towards the end. I'm just kind of down, also I fucking hate November, I think you'll get that by Even's state of mind which is 100% mine, sorry about that. BUT, the banter with these two is such a pleasure to write seriously, it flows so easily like damnnn. Hope you'll like it as well.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, sorry for the mistakes, thanks for the love on this wip and tell me what you think about this chapter! *runs to update the tags before someone attacks her*


	3. Sunrise Pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep conversations with Isak and Yousef, not at the same time, but in that order.

He felt the cold air on his face as soon as he stepped out. He took a deep breath. Everything was covered in snow. Even had always loved it. It wasn’t exceptional because it snowed quite often in Oslo and everyone was used to it. But he’d always loved the quiet that always came with snow. It made the grey, dull streets a little prettier. It had just started to snow the night before and it was supposed to snow for another two days, which Even wasn't complaining about.

It was now Monday and it was the first time Even had stepped outside in several days. He’d stayed home for five days and hadn’t spoken to anyone, hadn’t said one word besides yes and no to Yousef and Elias. The latter had told him, so he knew that Isak had texted him when they were supposed to meet for their project, but he hadn’t answered, even when he’d felt a little better on Sunday. His phone felt heavy with the weight of Sonja’s text. He’ll have to remember to ask one of the boys to delete it. He was on his way to uni, looking around at the beautiful white coat covering the city, his nose buried in his scarf when he bumped into someone.

“Shit, fuck, I’m-” he heard Isak start to say but stopped short when he looked who he’d bumped into. _Shit, shit, shit_. Even had planned to go to Starbucks after his morning class to apologise to him. To give himself time. Not that it was that important or anything. It wasn’t a date they’d planed, after all. They weren’t even friends, for God’s sake.

“Sorry,” Even finished Isak’s sentence. He put his hands in his pockets and resisted the urge to bury himself back in his hundred layers of clothes. Isak looked around his face, as if searching for something. Even didn’t know what it was but Isak’s eyes stopped on his and, as a small smile tugged at the curly-haired boy's lips, his green eyes looked right through his soul.

“You’re fine. I wasn’t really looking where I was going,” Isak said, shrugging.

“No, I mean, I’m sorry for last week,” Even said, looking at his feet.

“It’s okay, your friend told me. Elias I think?” Even nodded. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I don’t, I don’t really want to get into that right now,” Even mumbled.

“Yeah, okay, no problem. We still need to meet up for that media assignment, though.”

“Right. We could, um, we could meet around 15:00 if you’re free?”

“Perfect, my last class of the day’s done at 15:00, you’ll just have to wait for me.”

“It’s fine,” Even smiled a little.

 

They went their separate ways and Even went to his Critical Skills class. It was a one-hour class so after that he went back home to write down ideas for the media project.

The professor had said they would need to take on a theme, one that would be recurrent in the news, and they’d have to change it in a certain way to show that they were aware of the creativity and flexibility of all themes and subject.

Sounded easy enough. He wrote down a few things that he’d show Isak later. He still felt the aftermath of his down days so the excitement of meeting Isak was toned down compared to the week before. But that didn't matter now. The project was what mattered. Focusing on himself, and all that jazz.

 

*

 

Once he arrived in Starbucks, his excitement did increase a little bit. That was, until he realised that Isak wasn't working at the moment. He’d said he was in class until 15:00. Maybe Even would buy him coffee while he waited. He looked at the list of drinks. He was a bit overwhelmed. There were a lot of choices and he didn’t know what Isak liked, as he was usually the one serving the drinks. What he did know was that he hated caramel macchiato, he could go from there.

“What can I get you,” the barista, a short-haired girl asked Even. She seemed familiar but he couldn’t really place her face anywhere.

“Hi. Do you have Christmas drinks or not yet?”

“We have the usual. Gingerbread latte, hazelnut caramel latte, fudge hot chocolate, and apple and cinnamon tea,” the girl said in a monotonous, bored voice.

“I’ll take one small apple and cinnamon tea, and… a cappuccino, small as well.” Isak couldn’t possibly hate cappuccinos, they weren’t full of sugar, unless Even was drinking them.

He paid for both coffees, and waited for them to be ready when his phone went off in his pocket.

_Just got out. Are you there yet?_

_I am. Got you some coffee, is that alright?_

_Yes :)_

Even smiled at the smiley. Cute.

“Evan,” the barista called, handing him both cups. Even rolled his eyes. Of course she’d gotten his name wrong. She looked like she’d rather be anywhere else in the world.

 

He’d been seated for less than ten minutes when Isak showed up. He smiled and went to sit in front of him.

“Thank you for the coffee, what did you get me?”

“Something with a really complicated name, and three tons of sugar,” Even smirked and Isak rolled his eyes. Ah, there it was.

Isak sipped his coffee and a little moan of pleasure came out of his mouth as he licked his lips. Even’s brain short-circuited. The shock going from his heart to his dick.

“Damn that’s good, thank you. How much do I owe you?”

“Erm, nothing, it’s on me,’ Even croaked out. Isak nodded gratefully.

“So, media project?”

“Right. Yes. We’re here to study. Um, I’ve written down a few ideas.”

“Thank God, I didn’t really have time, I had readings for this Experimental Physics class and I didn’t really think about anything else.”

“How many class are you taking, exactly?” Even grimaced.

“A few,” Isak squinted at him.

“Alright, I won’t pry. So, I thought we could take on a theme that’s addressed in a film that came out or is going to come out, but that has been talked about recently anyway. Then maybe see how we can address this theme in our own way through the use of images and sounds. What do you think?” Even knew his shit. He loved films and media, but there was still a very small part of him that waited for Isak to tell him it was a shit idea.

“Sounds cool, actually,” Isak smiled at him. “Did you have a particular film in mind?” There came the tricky part.

“Um, yeah, yes. Call Me by Your Name. Have you heard of it?”

“I think I did. Is that the film with the teenager and old dude who fall in love or something?”

“Yeah but not exactly. They’re 17 and 24 years old, and it’s about love and sexual awakening. The end is bitter and all kinds of sad, and I thought maybe we could take it on a different path.”

“Have you seen it yet? You sound like you’ve seen it already.”

“It’s not out yet in Norway, but I’ve read the book.” _A few times. And cried_. Isak didn’t need to know he was a mess for romantic shit like that.

“Nice. I like the idea of changing it up, but I don’t really know the story, so it’s a bit tricky.”

“I could totally lend you the book,” Even said, a little too quickly. He resisted the urge to wince. _Way too desperate, Even_. “If you read fast enough we can do it easily enough. You read, and I try to find images and sounds the story makes me think about, and we meet afterwards.”

“Deal,” Isak smiled that cute side smile he always did. _So flipping cute_. Even smiled at him. “So, are you going to tell me what happened to you?” And there went the smile. “You don’t have to, we’re not friends or anything.”

“Not yet,” Even couldn’t resist mumbling.

“Sure, Even.” And boy did he like when the boy said his name.

“I wasn’t feeling, um, well. Something happened, not important at all but it made me feel like shit so yeah, I was just pathetic for a few days,” Even said to the table. He could feel Isak’s eyes on him.

“Don’t do that. If some shit’s important to you then it’s not pathetic,” Isak said and his voice sounded to final that Even looked up at him with wonder in his eyes. Who even was this boy? He smiled to himself, sipping his tea.

“Are you drinking your sugar with coffee?” Isak asked and Even felt immensely grateful for the change of subject.

“What is your problem with caramel macchiatos?”

“It’s full of sugar, dude. It’s also such a hipster drink, but I guess that wouldn't bother you. You’re the most hipster of all hipsters to ever hipster.”

“Excuse me,” Even scoffed, hand on his heart.

“Apology accepted.”

“What the fuck, no,” Even laughed as Isak did. His laugh sounded like the happiest spring day in his ears. A pale pink sunrise. _God_ , Even was a fucking mess. “I won’t apologise for my taste in coffee. And I don’t see how it makes me a hipster.”

“Caramel macchiato, media studies, Instagram black and white themed feed, film snob, shall I say more?”

“Black and white makes everything more beautiful and- wait,” Even squinted at Isak. “How do you know the theme of my Instagram?”

“I, um, I may have stumbled upon it some time last week,” Isak sputtered, cheeks flushing a light pink. _Sunrise_.

“Whatever you say, Isak,” Even smirked.” Also, film snob? What the hell?”

“Romeo and Juliet pics and quotes, dude, all over,” Isak widened his eyes and gestured around him to emphasise his point. It was Even’s turn to roll his eyes. Although, Isak would have had to scroll way back into his account to find those. Alright, then.

“It’s Romeo+Juliet, and it’s the most romantic film ever.”

“I haven’t seen it, but I know the play, dude. They both die in the end. Nothing romantic about that, it’s just tragic as fuck.”

“Isak, Isak, Isak, all epic love stories are tragic.”

“What a load of crap. When my boyfriend cheated on me with half our class and broke my fucking heart I didn’t find it epic,” Isak’s tone was on a verge of something resembling anger and his eyes were wider than usual like he spoke before he could have thought about it.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Even just looked at him, trying to process the information. _Boyfriend, cheated, heartbreak_. He guessed they were finally getting to know each other better.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean you, or anyone specific really, I mean like the love stories in films and stuff. I really am sorry if I brought this shit back up, your boyfriend was an asshole for cheating on you.”

“Yeah, well, can’t blame him. I was a mess in high school,” Isak said, his eyes lows. Eve nudged his foot into his. He looked up.

“I’m sure you weren’t.”

“You didn’t know me in high school.” Isak cleared his throat and shook his head. “Enough feeling talks for today, Jesus. If I’d known you were into talking about feelings I’d have picked someone else for the project.” A smile showed Even he was kidding.

 “I am really not,” Even mumbled. He looked at his watch and saw that they’d been in the coffee shop for two hours. How the hell did time went by so quickly? He hadn't even had the time to enjoy the fact that he was _laughing_ with Isak. Well, he had been before the heartbreak speech. He told Isak what time it was and the younger boy jumped up.

“Shit, I have to go home I have an assignment to finish for tomorrow.”

“That’s very last minute.”

“Shut up, I was busy,” Isak zipped his backpack. “Come by tomorrow morning during my shift.”

“Erm, why?” Even’s brain was shutting down.

“To give me the book?” Isak raised his eyebrows.

“Right, yes. The book,” Even laughed it off. “I’ll come around 10:00, I have a lecture at 10:30.”

“Deal, see you tomorrow,” Isak exclaimed as he left out the door.

Even felt emotionally drained. Isak was so kind, and cute, and funny. He really felt like he was a thirteen-year-old having his first crush ever. He needed to get his shit together first, though. He knew full well what Elias thought about it, maybe he’d talk about it with Yousef. Himself had a hopeless and ridiculous crush on Elias’s sister. He knew how he felt.

 

*

 

Later that evening, he was looking through images that could be useful for their media project when he got an idea. He reached for his phone and began typing.

_Hear me out: what if we mix images of Call Me by Your Name with a kind of expectation/reality frame à la 500 Days of Summer?_

Isak texted back five minutes later.

_Sounds way too complicated._

_I’ll do all the work._

_No, you won’t, wtf._

_Okay, but is it a good idea?_

_Doesn’t sound feasible considering the film’s not even out yet._

_Damn, sounds logical. Didn’t think about it._

_See, that’s what I’m bringing to the project._

_Besides your good looks?_

_Even._

_Sorry, stopping now. Are you rolling your eyes?_

_…no?_

_You totally are._

_You tend to make me roll my eyes a lot._

_I noticed._

_Did you, now?_

_Yes._

_Sounds like I wasn’t the only one noticing._

_Who’s flirting now?_

_My hand slipped._

_Sure, it did._

_Shut up._

Even was laughing at Isak's texts when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and found Yousef behind, a suspicious look in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Even asked.

“I don’t know. Were you…laughing?”

“I was.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Yousef smiled at him. He started to leave but Even reached for his arm.

“Um, I wanted to ask you something.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Well, I mean, humanity sometimes is, Donald Trump is a piece of shit, my Visual Culture professor is homophobic and an asshole, there’s also this-“

“Even,” Yousef groaned. Even laughed.

“Sorry, but you asked.”

“It wasn’t a general question about the state of the world, _God_.”

“You should’ve said, then.”

“What did you want to talk about?” Youself asked, rolling his eyes. Was this only cute when Isak did it? Right. Isak.

“So, I wanted to ask your advice. I know what Elias thinks about the situation but I’m a bit lost. There’s this guy I kind of like, but Elias thinks I should first focus on myself before doing or saying anything, or at least until after finals are done and then do something.”

“Even Bech Næsheim, do you have a crush on someone?”

“Why does it sound so lame when you say it?”

“Dick,” Yousef punched his arm. They laughed for a few seconds before they sober up. “So, why do you need me? You manage very well on your own to get someone in your bed after two point five minutes.”

“It’s not like that. He’s so cute, and kind, and he has these green eyes that makes me want to write fucking poems about it, and you know how much I hate writing poetry. Every time he smiles I feel like sliding down my chair like an idiot, and I always say dumb shit around him, like I’m usually smooth as hell, you know it, everyone knows it, but I feel like I keep fucking up with him. And, he’s got those blonde curly hair that bounces around when he hasn’t got a beanie of snapback on. He always has this side smile that makes me want to jump him like a fucking t-“

“Please stop!” Yousef shouted. “Oh my God, the last time I heard you babble shit like this about someone it was-“

“I know,” Even cut him off. He’d fallen in love with her so fast back then. But they’d been young. He'd been in love with the idea of love and didn’t know at the time that the weight of his bipolar disorder would feel so heavy on his shoulder and that Sonja would transform into his second mum instead of his girlfriend. God, he really didn’t want to think about the clusterfuck that had been their relationship right now. He shook his head. “Never mind that. The thing is I’m getting to know him and he’s just like, getting better, you know? I feel like I’m going to explode if I have to wait until after finals to make a move. He’s probably going to guess I’m drooling over him in like a week and realise I’m a fucking mess that he won’t want to do anything with.”

“Stop. Stop selling yourself short and bringing yourself down. You’re a catch Even!” They laughed. “I’m serious, anyone would be lucky to be with you. What I don’t get is how _I_ can help?”

“Well, you’ve had a crush on Sana for approximatively 76 years now, I want to now how you do it.”

“I’m, I don’t- what?” Yousef was flustered.

“Dude. Eveybody and their dog know about your crush.” Yousef cringed.

“Do you think Elias knows?”

“Oh yes.”

“Do you think _Sana_ knows?”

“Probably, yes.”

“Oh, this is bad, this is so very bad.”

“Why is it bad? Isn’t it time you made a move?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure if she feels the same you know.”

“Well you’ve been hanging out with her for two fucking years, haven’t you picked up on signs or something?”

“Yeah. I mean, yes. But what if we don’t work and Elia kills me?”

“I’m going to assume that after two years you both know each other well, and, well, I guess communication is key to a, erm, a good relationship?” He wanted to cringe so badly. Communication. Right. What they hadn't have when Sonja and him were together.

“You’re right. I’ll think about it. You found your solution, by the way.”

“Did I?”

“Yep. Get to know him, search for signs, and make a move.”

“Uh. I guess I did. But I’m, I’m not sure if I’m…mentally ready, and Elias doesn’t either.”

“If you don’t think you are, then don’t. I agree with Elias that you need to be in a headspace that’ll be more positive for you, dude. Put yourself first. It doesn't mean you can't be friends with the guy, though.”

“That, yeah,” Even rolled his eyes. Yousef softly pushed his shoulder.

“Seriously. Get to know him, but at the same time get through the end of the semester on your own feet rather than on your knees. You know, the only way out is through, and all that.”

“When did you become so wise?”

“I always was, you’re just too busy to notice.”

“Apparently because I’m too much on my knees,” Even smirked and waggled his eyebrows.

When Elias arrived home they were still laughing and Even felt already better.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go for chapter 3!
> 
> Even's feeling a bit better and is getting to know Issy-K a little better. He's falling real fast y'all, we can see this shit from space. But anyhoo. I proofread myself, as usual, so there may be mistakes here and there.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one, thanks for the love, and comment away what you think about this one;)
> 
> P.S: kudos to those who got the Love Actually reference. It got in there before I even recognised what I'd done.


	4. Golden Cheeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak stumble into Sonja and Isak, and more.

It’s not that he didn’t like Dr Johansen. It’s just that he always felt like his problems were tiny pecs in the universe compared to other people. “It’s not a competition, Even. Everyone’s troubles are important.” _Whatever_. He’d always felt like he was complaining about some dumb shit while there were lots of people who had it way worse than him.

He’d talked to her about how November went (“You got through it, I’m proud of you.”), about Sonja’s big news (“It’s normal to feel jealous over one person’s accomplishments and life at some point but in no case are you stuck. You are in a steady place and studying at university for that very future.”), and of course, about Isak (“Your friend Elias has some very wise advice, but you can’t only be focusing on bettering yourself, you need to have a certain balance between that, your studies, and your social life. If being friends with Isak make you feel good, then be just that. If you want more, you’ll have to ask yourself if you’re ready for it.”).

He was mulling it all over in his head, toying with his phone when it buzzed with a text from Elias.

 

_Lunch together?_

_Not sure about my plans, I’ll get back to you._

_As if you’re super busy._

_Excuse you, I’m a very busy person._

_Sure you are, dick. Where are you right now?_

_Walking._

_Where?_

_Nosy, much?_

 

He was going to the Starbucks on Campus to give his book to Isak. But did Elias need to know that? No, he did not. Or, maybe he did. Even knew what he would say, and he didn’t feel like having this kind of conversation now. He’ll tell him. Later.

He typed a quick text to Isak to tell him he was nearly there.

When he arrived at Starbucks it wasn’t packed but it wasn’t empty either. The Christmas decorations were up and everything looked festive and ebautiful. It filled Even with a warm feeling. He looked at the till and saw the same bored short-haired girl from last time. Isak was supposed to be here. He'd told Even to stop by, after all.

He shrugged and stood in line to get his coffee. Once in front of the till, the girl looked at Even and raised her eyebrows as if asking him silently what he wanted. Even frowned. Jesus, that girl needed to find another job. With less human interaction, if possible.

“Right,” Even cleared his throat. “One small caramel macchiato, please?”

He was 99% sure she had written his name wrong again. Should he bet with himself? One sugar if yes, two if no. One packet of sugar was the perfect amount, two was too much.

He paid for it and went to wait in line. He was leaning on the counter behind a guy who was talking obnoxiously loudly on his phone. Some people. 

“Caramel macchiato for…Evan?” He heard Isak saiy. He looked his way saw the boy scanning the crowd of people waiting for their coffee. When Isak saw him, he smiled ( _heart explosion number one_ ). “Come on, Emma, we’re in fucking Norway, his name’s Even,” Isak told the girl at the register.

“If you so keen on writing his name, you do it,” the girl, _Emma_ , grumbled.

Even chuckled. He looked at Isak taking a pen and writing something on his cup.

“Here you go, _Even_ ,” he said as he gave Even his coffee.

“Thanks,” Even smiled. Isak looked even cuter with garlands and baubles behind and above him. One particular golden garland reflected on his cheek. Isak looked beautiful. Even had to stop himself from stroking his cheek or some idiotic move like that.

“Have you brought the book?”

“Yes, hold on,” he said as he started reaching for his backpack when Isak stopped him.

“You can give it to me in a moment. Yesterday you told me you had a class after that, didn’t you remember we had the same one?”

“Right. That must have slipped my mind.” Isak rolled his eyes ( _cuteness overload number one_ ).

“Wait for me, I’m done in two minutes.”

 

Even decided to wait for him outside. The snow was still there. The sun as well. It was beautiful. White and shiny reflecting on the trees which the leaves hadn't fallen from yet.

He brought his cup to his mouth when he looked at what was written on it. Accompanying the usual CM was written “ ~~Evan~~ Even ;)” ( _heart explosion number two_ ). Alright, his heart was having a field day. He tried, he really did, to stop himself from beaming like an idiot.

When Isak came out of the coffee shop Even had taken the book out of his backpack and handed it over to him.

“Nice, thanks,” Isak said as they started walking together.

They walked silently for a few seconds and Even was trying to find something to say but Isak beat him to it.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you if you felt better?”

“Yeah,” Even smiled.

“Can I ask you what was wrong or not yet?”

The thing was that Even wanted to tell him about it, about Sonja, about him being bipolar, but it felt like something in his throat prevented him to do so. He swallowed loudly. He looked at Isak but the smaller boy was looking ahead.

“I- I was- I received a text. From my ex. She told me she’d just got engaged. It kind of…fucked me up.”

“Oh,” Even saw Isak frown a little.

“Not that I still have feelings for her or anything. God knows I don’t,” Even rushed to say. He didn’t know why but he felt like he needed to make it clear that he _really_  wasn’t still feeling anything for Sonja. “It’s just that we’re the same age and I’m stuck at uni,” he shrugged.

“Okay. But-“

“Even!”

Even’s eyes widened when he heard Sonja’s voice call for him. He stopped walking, quickly followed by Isak who looked around. All of a sudden Sonja was in front of him, hugging him. _What the fuck?_

“How are you? It’s been so long. You’ve never answered my text,” she said as she poked his arm.

“Er…” Even was at a loss of words.

“Never mind that, David!” She called over her shoulder. Even almost flinched. He must’ve looked spooked because Isak was looking at him worryingly. Even shook his head and looked back at Sonja, now joined by a guy he guessed was David. “Even, this is David, my fiancé,” Sonja introduced him with a smile.

“Nice to meet you,” David said as he shook Even’s hand.

Even hadn’t said a word yet. He didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t want to be in this situation. Not now. Not ever. Would Sonja not take it well if he just walked away with Isak? Isak who was looking at the whole situation with the same small frown. Suddenly, he slipped his hand in Even’s and intertwined their fingers together. Even looked at him, his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. He swore he felt is heart miss a beat there ( _heart explosion number three_ ).

“And you are?” Sonja asked, looking between Even and Isak.

“Isak, Even’s boyfriend,” Isak said, smiling sweetly while Even almost choked on his own spit.

“Oh. I didn’t know Even was seeing anyone.”

“He moved on alright.” Although he was still smiling, Isak’s voice had an angry edge to it.

“Right,” Sonja smiled tightly at them and Even felt Isak’s hand tighten its grip on his. “Well, this was grand, but we do need to go. Answer my text, Even,” she told Even. “It was nice to meet you, Isak. Good luck with this one,” she finally said as she dragged David away before he could say anything.

Even was speechless from the whole conversation. He hadn’t even participated in the fucking conversation. The sudden urge to sit came to him and he led Isak to a bench outside the nearest building, their hands still linked together. But Even was too astonished to even dwell on it.

As soon as he sat down, Isak took his hand back and stood still in front of Even.

“You okay there?” Even nodded. “Okay. Can I speak freely?” Nod. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Your ex is kind of a _bitch_ , seriously, what the flying fuck? She was basically rubbing her _fiancé_ in your fucking face. Who does that? Jesus,” he finished saying by letting himself sit on the bench.

Even looked at him and blinked. Isak looked back for a few seconds before his eyes widened. 

“ _Oh_. Right. I’m sorry about the whole fake boyfriend thing. You’d just told me how she’d fucked you up last week, so I just reacted. Also, she just kind of rubbed me the wrong way, you know. Was I, um, way out of line?”

“No,” Even croaked out, speaking for the first time since Sonja had showed up. “You were fine.” Then, he scoffed. “At least now she’ll believe me.”

“What do you mean?”

“She never took me seriously when I used to tell her I wasn’t straight.”

“You’re not?” Isak asked, seemingly surprise.

“Nope. Pansexual and proud,” Even winked at him. _Damn it_. Elias always told him not to wink. However, he did catch a glimpse of Isak’s cheeks getting slightly pinker before he turned his head and huffed out a laugh. “What did you think?”

“Definitely straight.” Even raised an eyebrow at him which caused Isak to lift his hand up in defense. “I don’t know dude, you’re like the cliché type of a heart-breaker.”

Even stood up without answering. Isak didn’t need to know that he’d spent the past year having meaningless and shabby sex with strangers.

“We should get to it,” Even exclaimed. He felt like he needed to have a minute (or twenty) to himself. To just think back. To Sonja and her fiancé, to Isak stepping in for him, to Isak pretending to be his fucking boyfriend, for Christ’s sake. If he’d thought that he was straight before maybe that meant he had considered- No. He couldn’t go there. At least not now. His heart was about to burst, and his mind was still trying to swim through all the new information and events of the morning.

As soon as they’d taken their seats Even had texted Elias about having lunch together. He felt like he needed some Elias harshness to wake his mind up.

Their media class went well. Their professor spent her time talking about the group works and asked all the groups about the theme of their projects. She also told them when it’ll be due which wasn't for another three weeks, giving Isak time to read and for them to work properly on it. 

 

When they got out of the room Even told Isak he was going to eat lunch with a friend and left, but not without throwing him a wink as he did. Another one. He really needed to stop.

Usually, Even would be okay to make Elias wait if it meant he would get to stay a little longer with Isak before he got to his next class but he needed to sort his thoughts out and Elias was the man for the situation.

“Took your time,” Elias exclaimed when Even arrived at the table he was sat at.

“Excuse me, your majesty.”

“Finally, someone appreciate me for the real me!”

“Drama queen.”

“Takes one to know one,” Elias smirked as he dug his fork in his pastas.

“So,” Evens started to say after a few quiet seconds. Elias looked at him expectantly. _Here goes nothing_. “I’ve been hanging out with Isak.”

“Even,” Elias started to sigh.

“No, let me finish. I swear it’s not like _that_. We’re friends. Kind of? At least, I think we are. He’s in my media class and we have this group project to work on together, so we’ve been hanging out a bit. I’m listening to you I swear. At first, I hated you for being right, because seriously you always are, what’s up with that?” They both laughed. “No but, we’re getting to know each other, and I reckon it’s a hundred time better than just, you know, make a move.”

“Woah, okay. Flattery will get you everywhere. Go on, I’m listening,” Elias smiled.

“So this morning I was telling him why I felt like shit last week when we bumped into Son and her fiancé. It was tense and weird. For me, at least. But then Isak jumped him and told them he was my boyfriend. Jesus, I almost died. He took my fucking hand, Elias. I was dead.” Elias rolled his eyes. “Metaphorically. Anyway, then we talked about it and he said he thought I was straight. I obviously told him I am not. But like, it means he thought about it, right? And this whole shit with Sonja makes me want to fucking hurl to be honest,” he finished, frustrated with himself and with his life.

“That’s a lot to take in,” Elias said as he scratched the back of his neck.

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier about getting to know Isak?”

“Well. You were pretty adamant about that whole ‘focus on yourself’ thingy so I felt like I was betraying you somehow.”

“I’m touched you think I’m so wise that you feel the need to listen to my every word like it’s the word of God, but you also need to do your own thing and what you feel is right for yourself. You can’t listen to my advice without taking your own feelings into account, Even.”

“I know. It’s just…hard to do.”

“I know it is. Feelings are the worst, believe me, I know. Fuck Yousef and his feelings for my sister. But, you’ve got to realise that your thoughts are worth listening to. Of course, not all of your thoughts and ideas will be good. Like that time you decided to make us listen to that Gabrielle album for a whole week. But, you’ve got to filter your goods and bads, and if you can’t tell, then that’s why Yousef and I are here, and your therapist, optionally.”

“Optionally, of course,” Even said with a small smile.

“We both know I’m better than her.”

“You really are sometimes.”

“I’m going to let the ‘sometimes’ pass because you’re having an emotional crisis, but it _will_ bite you in the ass later,” Elias warned him.

“Kinky but I’m in if you are.”

“For fuck sake,” Elias groaned, to which Even laughed. “Before I forget and punch your smug face off, Yousef invited us to a party on Friday night.”

“Since when does he go to parties? Invites us, no less?”

“Since it’s Sana who invited him and said to bring friends,” Elias gritted.

“Someone’s touchy,” Even waggled his eyebrows.

 

Elias did punch his shoulder but when they left the cafeteria they both had a smile on their faces. Even felt like the luckiest fucker on earth in that particular moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4, yay! 
> 
> I haven't the time to write more, I wanted to but time got the better of me and I still have some finals I need to study for and my thesis to work on, so, I hope it'll do :)
> 
> Thanks for the love and comment away t tell me what you think ;)


	5. Perky white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Call Me by Your Name, feelings, a party, a talk, and some angst here and there.

_Where are you right now?_

Even raised an eyebrow at his phone screen. He’d been in the library for at least four hours now. He’d pushed writing his critical skills essay as far as possible but there he was. Writing against the clock.

_Library, why?_

_I’m coming._

Even almost typed a filthy pun before he backtracked. Isak seemed weird, better not.

_Do you think you can bring coffee with you by any chance? I’ll pay you back :)_

_No._

This time both Even’s eyebrows were up almost in his hairline. _Alright_. Isak was angry. At _him_ , somehow? He tried remembering if something had happened since they’d separated yesterday but nothing came to his mind. They hadn’t even texted because Isak had told him he needed peace and quiet to read _Call Me by Your Name_ , so Even gave him just that. He hadn’t even gone to Starbucks to see him in is cute apron this morning.

He focused back on his essay while waiting for Isak to come by. About twenty minutes later, his phone buzzed four times, almost falling off of the desk.

_I’m here._

_Where are you in the library?_

_No, don’t answer, it’s better if we’re outside for this._

_I’m on the bench on the left out of the library main doors._

Even was more than intrigued so he packed up all his stuff and went outside. He saw Isak sitting on the said bench but when he saw Even approaching he stood up and met him halfway.

“It’s better if we’re outside for what?” Even asked, catching a glimpse of Isak’s angry demeanour.

In lieu of answer Isak pushed something rather forcefully on Even’s chest and started pacing in front of him. As Even looked at what he’d given him, and saw it was his copy of _Call Me by Your Name_ , Isak started talking.

“First of all, what the fuck? Second of all, what the fuck?!”

“I gather you finished it?” Even asked, which was his mistake.

Isak stopped in front of him and looked him in the eyes. Sure, there was an angry shine to it, but also so much sadness. Dry tears were still under his eyes and his lower lips looked like it was wobbling. Even’s heart broke a little bit for Isak’s broken one. He knew the feeling. This damn book always filled him with so much love before it broke his heart into a million pieces.

_Every fucking time_. Every time he reread it he hoped the ending would change, which was completely delusional, but every time he ended up sobbing in his pillow.

“What do you think, Sherlock?” Isak went back to pacing. He didn’t give Even time to answer before he went on. “This was the most beautifully heart-breaking book I’ve ever read in my entire life. I’m so fucking pissed.”

“At me?”

“At you for wanting me to read it! At the author! At the world! At Oliver! But I- I admit that I understand why you would want to change the ending for our project. Now that I read the fucking thing, I can be 100% on board with it,” Isak finished saying as he saw down on the bench. “What a fucking downer, though.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you cried,” Even smiled when he made Isak roll his eyes. Small victories. “You’ll have to give me your email, so I can mail you the images I found so far.”

They finished planning on when and where they would meet again to work on the project, Isak’s anger forgotten. Although, Even wasn’t going to forget the effect the book had had on Isak any time soon. 

Make someone read your favourite book, show them your heart.

 

*

 

The next time he saw Isak it was on Friday. It was a complete coincidence and quite an eventful night.

Even had spent the whole afternoon finishing an assignment so when he realised the sun had set a long time ago he stopped studying and fell onto his bed.

He’d completely forgotten about the party, any party, ever. He’d spent the week studying and revising, finals were rapidly approaching, and he felt like he was going to need a twelve-hour nap afterward.

 

So, he was sleeping soundly when his door opened violently and woke him up with a start.

“Wake up, loser,” Elias exclaimed as he barged in and jumped on the bed and on Even at the same time.

“Bugger off,” Even grumbled.

“Hell no, sunshine. Today’s Friday-fun day!”

“Isn’t it Sunday-fun day?” Even asked as he opened his eyes to mildly glare at Elias.

“Stop being a buzzkill for like, two minutes,” Elias groaned. “Party, tonight, get with the plan.”

“Hard pass, I’m knackered.”

“No uh, you’re coming. You agreed.”

“Did I, now?” Even raised his eyebrow.

“You fucking did.”

“When?”

“A few days ago. It doesn’t matter. You’re coming. You’ve spent your fucking days at the library for the past few weeks. Fuck finals, we need to relax, _you_ need to relax. A night without studying, without Isak, without stress!” Elias said as he stood up from the bed.

“Um, without Isak? What the fuck?”

“Boy troubles and all that shit, you know what I meant.”

“There’s no boy troubles. Everything is fine and we’re just friends.”

“Alright, whatever. Get ready,” Elias shouted as he left the bedroom.

“Do get ready, Even. We need to be there around 21:00,” Yousef shouted from the living room.

“Ooh, Sana’s keeping you on that tight leash, is she?” Even shouted back, they needed to stop being on his back about this fucking party. 

“Shut the fuck up, Even,” he heard Elias scream from his bedroom.

Still laughing, he opened his drawers. He wasn’t going to dress fancy, that was for sure, but he _would_ make an effort. He hadn’t gone to a party in something like a month, so he felt like getting that light freedom alcohol-free buzz he always got when he found himself in the middle of parties.

In the end, he opted for black fitted jeans, a white shirt and his black chucks. Of course, that’ll only be under a hoodie, denim jacket, and coat, so maybe it didn’t matter much.

 

Or so he thought, because when they arrived at the house the party was at, the atmosphere was suffocating. They were late - _not_ because of him - but not by that much and the air already smelled of booze and sweat. As soon as he walked in, Even regretted his decision to come.

Yousef walked away from them towards the right side of the room, Even reckoned it was where Sana was.

Elias leaned into him. “Don’t drink too much, little one,” he said as he started walking away.

“You’re only a month older,” Even shouted at him but it was no use, the music was too loud.

He made his way through the sea of bodies, dancing and sweating, in search of a kitchen. Once he found it, he looked around looking for a glass or a cup.

“Come here often?”

Even jumped a little. He turned around and saw Isak leaning against the door frame. He was wearing the same kind of outfit he always wore at uni except now his jeans were much tighter they usually were. And a burgundy snapback was on his head.

He looked freaking _delicious_. Even had to bite his lips to keep himself from saying any stupid shit.

When he looked back up, Isak was looking at him, an eyebrow raised. Oh. Right. He’d been checking him out.

_Walk it out, Even, walk it out_.

“Do _you_ come here often?” Even asked him back as he continued looking around. “Ah, found it.” He made a bee line for the dumb red cups and filled his with water at the sink.

“I do actually. What are you doing?”

“Getting some water,” Evens shrugged.

“Why? Is there some weird mix I’m not aware of?”

“What? No. I just wanted some water.” Isak raised both of his eyebrows.

“Okay then. Have you been here long?”

“A few minutes, you?”

“Ugh, yes. A few hours. I had to help Eva set everything up.”

“Who’s Eva?” Even asked, ignoring the pang of jealousy in his guts.

“A friend. How come you came if you didn’t even know who threw the party? Who even does that?”

“Apparently, I do. My roommate, Elias, is Sana’s brother, and my other roommate, Yousef, is a her friend. Kind of. So, here we are.”

“You know Sana?” Isak asked, wide eyes.

“More or less,” Even winced.

“You’re scared of her, aren’t you?” isak asked him with a knowing smirk.

“I’m not,” Even scoffed. “I’m just…careful.”

“Don’t worry, I am too sometimes, but she’s all kinds of amazing, but don’t tell her I said that,” Isak said as a group of drunk people came stumbling into the kitchen. Isak looked at them and then at Even before coming closer. He took a joint out of his back pocket and showed it to Even in a way that only them would see it. “Fancy some?”

 

That’s how Even found himself laying on the grass outside behind the house. It was cold and Even regretted not having brought his coat with him but he felt like if he hadn’t followed Isak right then and there, his chance would have ran out of the door with Isak and his joint.

A joint he shouldn’t be smoking, but one once in a blue moon couldn’t do any real harm, could it?

“How come you know Sana?” Isak asked from next to him, on that same patch of grass.

“Told you, her brother is my roommate, and friend.”

“I know, but it’s so weird to me that we know the same Sana. Which high-school did you go to?”

“Bakka,” Even answered as he exhaled some smoke.

“Figures,” Isak mumbled, taking the puff back.

“What does that even mean?”

“It totally fits your whole aesthetic.”

“I have an aesthetic?”

“Don’t play dumb, I’m sure you’re aware that the whole denim jacket, perfectly styled hair, perfectly shaped face thing works for you and has an effect on people. It’s your fucking aesthetic.”

_Wait, what._

“Perfectly shaped face?” Even raised an eyebrow at him.

“Shut up, I have eyes.”

“That you do.” _They’re beautifully green and I want to drown in them_.

“Why don’t you drink?” Isak asked suddenly, laying on his elbows to look up at Even who’d sat up.

“What makes you think I don’t drink?”

“You filled your cup with water, at a _party_. I assumed.”

“Never assume things about someone who wants to stay your friend, Isak.”

“Alright, jeez. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Neither did I.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Nope. Were you scared I wouldn’t want to be friends with you anymore?”

Isak’s cheeks coloured the lovely colour Even had grown to like and they laughed.

When the silence began to irk Even, he answered.

“I’m not supposed to.”

“What?” Isak asked, looking at him with his gorgeous eyes, which looked more like a starry night sky at this time of the evening, with no lights in the yard. A starry night sky which Even would have no problem staring at all night.

“Drink.”

“Oh. Why?” At Even’s hesitation, Isak shrugged and looked back at the sky. “You don’t have to tell me, you can tell me later, when you feel like it, and when we’re even more friend than we are right now.” Even laughed, his heart warming bit by bit despite the cold December night.

“Okay,” he whispered before also turning his eyes away from Isak and towards the sky.

_Eyes, sky, stars, Isak. Eyes, sky, stars, Isak. Repeat._

 

Once they were back inside, everything happened quickly. Even opened his mouth to say something. Anything, really, to keep the flow going but he was blanking. Someone rushed by them, running, as Isak lifted his cup up to drink from it.

The guy who’d been running was now puking in a large plant pot, but that wasn’t before he had knocked Isak off while he was mid-run, efficiently throwing the cup on Even’s shirt and hoodie.

As the guy gagged in the back Even scrunched up his nose at the dampness of his clothes.

“Shit!” Isak exclaimed.

“What were you even drinking?”

“Dunno, a mix of whiskey and something else.”

“Jesus Christ, it smells like shit.”

“It doesn’t, or I wouldn’t be drinking it. Come on,” he said as he took Even’s hand in his. “I know where the bathroom is.”

Isak did lead them to the bathroom. Even had tried very, _very_ hard not to squeeze his hand. Every time Isak took his hands (it had only happened twice but still, it counted) it felt like his skin burned and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Isak’s hands all over him.

But that was a thought for another time. For a time when his clothes didn’t stink of fucking whiskey.

“Take it off,” Isak said, and _what_.

“What?”

“Your hoodie,” Isak gestured towards his chest.

Right. _Get your mind out of the gutter, Even_.

The hoodie was okay, though. It was the shirt that had received the worst of it. It looked like it’d received the whole drink, actually. _God damn it_. Why did he have to wear a white shirt?

Isak scrubbed the hoodie under the faucet as Even inspected his shirt. He _could_ put some water on it, but it would really need to be washed properly later.

He walked towards the bathroom sink and stood next to Isak as he took the sponge that was on the side to put it under the water.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked.

“Attempting to wash this mess,” Even said as he applied the wet sponge on his shirt, water dripping everywhere. It effectively wet his shirt even more and made him feel colder than before but at least it was far less marroon-ish.

When he looked back up at Isak the boy was staring at his chest, his mouth slightly open.

“Um, Isak? Eyes up there,” he joked.

Isak’s cheeks reddened as he groaned and turned the faucet off.

“You’re alright, there?” Even smiled.

“You shouldn’t put your hoodie back on, it’s wet as well, you should just put on your coat on or stupid jacket.”

“I don’t have to do that right now, I’m okay.”

“You’re col- I mean, you’re going to get cold.” Even opened his mouth to answer but Isak turned to him, “just go put on your jacket on, Even. I’ll be right behind you with your wet hoodie, I mean, just, your hoodie.”

Isak turned to the washbasin as Even walked out of the bathroom. He was puzzled by Isak’s reaction, but the cold was stronger, so he went with it.

He was in the stairs when he looked down at his chest and almost fell on his fucking face. His shirt was wet _and_ see through. Even could clearly see his nipples through the wet material. They were perky and hard. If he could see them then so could Isak. Hence the coat. _Cold_. _Of course_.

_Fucking hell_.

It wasn’t exactly the type of reaction Even wanted out of Isak when he would see his nipples, but that didn’t matter right now. He was freezing his ass off and his heart was beating out of his chest.

 

Fucking stairs. Fucking stars. Fucking whiskey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post this, finals and life were getting in the way.
> 
> I have a really horrid migraine right now so I hope this will make sense and will be okay. I really need to go lie down in the dark real quick.
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you think it always make me smile <3
> 
> Thanks for the love!


	6. Red Cups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship, Call Me by Your Name, movie night, friendship, friendship, and some tension here and there.

He was trying to temp down the bitterness in his mouth. Isak hadn’t rejected him, because basically nothing had happened, but he still felt like shit.

How did the most unimportant shit like that always affected him?

Well, it didn’t matter now. All he felt like was just going back to the flat and wallow in self-pity, but he didn’t know where the fuck he was. Yousef had been guiding them earlier.

He reached for his phone in order to turn Google Maps on when he heard someone shouting his name. He turned around and saw Isak jogging slowly towards him, coat and jackets in hand.

“Dude,” Isak panted. “What the fuck?”

“I-“ Even didn’t know what to tell him. _I felt like shit because you didn’t want to look at my nipples_. God, Elias and Yousef were going to have a field day with this. Even was a pathetic fuck.

“Why did you leave? I told you I’d bring you your- and you’re only wearing shirt? What the hell, Even?”

And, _right_. He hadn’t even thought about taking his jacket; He'd been ashamed of his fucking _nipples_.

“It’s freezing. You’re going to catch the worst fucking cold or something,” Isak exclaimed as he gave him his coat ad jacket.

“Thanks,” Even whispered, putting on the clothes.

“Why did you leave?” Isak asked again, and Even realised he still had his wet hoodie in his hand.

“I guess I’m just dumb.”

“Why do you always put yourself down?” Isak asked with a light in his eyes, and. _Oh_. If Even didn’t already have a hopeless crush on Isak he might do now because this boy. This boy had just quoted his favourite book and Even was about to freaking burst.

“So you won’t,” Even quoted the one and only Elio Perlman, looking down at the pavement they were standing on. He was playing the game, but the tiny part of truth in his words made his heart clench.

After a few quiet moments, Even dared a glance at Isak, who was already looking at him kindly, as always. His stomach churned.

“Um,” Even cleared his throat. “Thanks for the jacket, and the hoodie. You didn’t have to.”

“Well, it was _my_ shitty drink that ruined your clothes,”Isak smiled quickly before turning more serious. “I’m glad I ran into you at the party, and that that guy ran into me.” Even raised his eyebrow, not understanding where this was going. “I mean, I probably would’ve drunk it, and more, so.”

“I thought that was the whole point of partying.”

“What is?”

“Drinking, having fun.”

“You weren’t,” Isak said, tilting his head, looking right through Even’s soul.

“Ah, yes. You’ll have to reach a level 5 friendship to unlock my tragic backstory,” Even said, half-kidding. He was hitting at some personal shit that Isak could never guess unless he told him and it hurt a little bit. Just a little bit.

Even didn’t tell anyone he was bipolar unless he absolutely had to like his professors. Elias and Yousef had been there with his parents and Sonja when he’d been diagnosed so he hadn’t had to tell them. He never had to tell his one-night stands because they were juts that, they didn’t need to know, it had been none of their business.

He felt like he might have to tell Isak at one point but not right now. He wasn’t ready, and it sure as hell didn’t feel like the right time.

“What about you?” He asked instead of saying anything else.

“What about me?”

“Why is it a good thing that you didn’t drink that awful cocktail?”

“You have to be at level 6 for that, at least,” Isak laughed lightly. “High school was shit,” he said with what Even interpreted as a sad smile. God, he felt like hugging him.

“Isak?”

“Yes?”

They looked at each other for a little while. It felt like minutes, hours, days, of wandering in green forests and drowning in deep blue oceans.

Even’s heart was threatening to burst out of his chest. He took a step closer to Isak. They were close enough so that he had to look down if he wanted to keep looking into Isak’s eyes. The night was cold, so their breaths were visible and mixing one into the other as they breathed slowly.

“Can I hug you?” Even blurted out.

_Smooth one, Even._

“You can,” Isak smiled.

They stepped one towards the other at the same time and hugged. Even’s arms were around Isak’s neck. He had to resist the urge to slide his hand in his hair. Instinctively his head lowered, and his nose was in the younger boy’s hair. He inhaled without really meaning to but Isak’s hair smelled like lemon and woods. It smelled so Isak that Even tightened his arms. That was when he felt Isak’s arm grab him around his waist. Isak’s hands were gripping his coat and his head was resting on Even’s chest.

Even could have stayed in that position for about a century and a half. He didn’t see himself as a touch-depraved guy but there he was. However, like everything in life, their wonderful, special moment had to end.

They both took a step back. Even was trying to calm his wild heart down while Isak was looking at him with something indecipherable in his eyes.

“Um-“

“You-“ Isak started to say at the same time. They laughed, and just like that the tension flew far, far away. Even gestured for Isak to speak first. “Are you going to go home?”

“Probably. I’m beat and I didn’t even want to come in the first place,” Even chuckled.

“Oh,” Isak frowned. _Shit_.

“No, I mean, ugh, I didn’t want to come at first but it sure improved with you there,” Even rushed to say. Isak’s cheeks coloured and Even realised what he said. “Anyway, I really need to stop talking, so I guess I’ll just go,” he said before turning around. God damn foot in the mouth every time he was with Isak.

“Wait,” Isak reached for his arm, preventing Even to walk any further. “Should we meet soon? For the project, you know.” His cheeks still had a pale pink tint to them, even under the badly lit street lamps. Even nodded. “Okay. Cool. Cool. Well, I’ll text you?” Isak said before turning around and going back to the party.

A much more eventful evening that he’d first thought it would be.

 

*

 

Unsurprisingly, finals week turned out to be a bitch to get through. After that party, Even spent even more time in the library. He was motivated to pass his exams, to hand out his papers. What he was not motivated for was to finish the project with Isak.

He was afraid that once the group work was over and done Isak would go his merry way and leave him there. So, instead of freaking himself out, he focused on acing his exams, finishing his essays, and finishing that damn project.

He was at the library, working on what Isak and him had done so far for the project when he received a text from the boy himself.

_So, guess what?_

_What??_

_You have to guess, Even._

_:( but I’m shit at guessing…_

_Drama queen._

_Tell meeeee!_

_Alright. Jesus, you’re demanding._

_You have no idea…_

Even cringed at his own text. Was that too far? Maybe it was. He didn’t know anymore. His head was near exploding with finals and God, _Isak_. The boy was driving him to the fucking walls with his cute side smile, his mole, and his beautiful angelic curly hair that only begged Even to try and pull on them to see if it would make Isak gasp. For now though, he just typed another text.

_Ignore that. I know, no flirting. It just came out._

_Like me last year._

_Oh my God._

_I know, I’m hilarious._

_Who are you and what have you done to Isak?_

_Anyway! As I was saying before someone decided to be his usually flirty self- I may have a surprise._

_For me?_

_No, for the royal heir._

_I mean, alright, can you introduce me?_

_…_

_Just wanted you to roll your eyes, go ahead._

_I did not roll my eyes._

_Sure, Jan._

_You do NOT meme the meme master._

_Looks like I just did._

_ANYWAY. Come by Starbucks._

_Sure. When?_

_Now? If you’re not studying._

_I’m coming._

Even was actually studying, but he could use a break and, to be honest, a caramel macchiato and Isak sounded like the perfect combo to have that break.

He put all of his layers back on, packed his stuff up, and left the library. 

 

 

“I remember you,” Emma said behind the cash register when Even arrived. “What’s it going to be today?”

She seemed much more jovial than the two previous times he’d ordered his coffee from her.

“I’ll stay with the apple and cinnamon tea. Small, please.”

“Alright,” she said as he took his money. She chose a small paper cup and called over her shoulder, “Isak, your guy is here, come drool and write his name.”

When Isak took the red cup from her hand, his cheeks were almost as red, and Emma was smirking.

Christmas in a cup. Christmas on Isak’s cheeks.

Even paid no mind to her and walked over to the counter to wait for his tea and talk with Isak. He had the same deep burgundy snapback he had at that party last week and his shirt was the same colour. Red everything.

“So, what’s that surprised you talked about?” Even smiled at Isak who was preparing his tea;

“You’ll have to wait for it,” Isak retorted.

“And you’re wondering why I’m demanding,” Even sighed. He saw Isak’s cheeks colour again, and boy, he will never get tired of seeing Isak blush. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“Here,” he gave Even his tea. “Wait for me I’m actually done for today.”

Even went to a table near the corner of the shop and waited for Isak. He sat down and looked at his cup. This time Isak had written, _Not a CM for E.V.E.N :)_

_Cute_.

Even was still smiling as he sipped his tea when Isak sat down, sans apron.

“So?” Even asked.

“Remember _Call Me by Your Name_?” Isak asked back with the side smile that Even was dying to kiss off his face.

“Rings a bell, I’m not really sure,” Even said, feigning ignorance. Isak laughed.

“The movie leaked…”

“Wait, what?”

“I may have downloaded it,” Isak whispered. Even blinked at him, heart beating.

“ _What_?” He almost shouted.

“Shh, Even, it’s illegal,” Isak smiled.

“I’m, what? I mean, you have it? You have the fucking film? On your laptop?”

“Yup,” Isak said, popping the last p. “Fancy a night off?”

_Crap_.

Even desperately wanted to say yes to movie night with Isak, even more to watch _Call Me by Your Name_. _But_. He had his last exam tomorrow and his last essay to finish writing tonight.

Time to be a responsible university student, for once.

“Fuck. I can’t tonight. I have a paper to finish and an exam tomorrow,” Even grumbled as he put his head in his hands. That was just his fucking luck. The cutest boy on campus with the cutest blush on earth and the cutest hair ever asked him to watch the best movie of the year and he couldn’t.

“What other exams and essays do you have after that?”

“Well, our project.”

“We’re almost done with that, it’s whatever. Is that it?”

“Yes?”

“Perfect, we can watch it tomorrow night, then!” Isak exclaimed, excitedly.

“Night?” Even raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want?”

“Of course, I want, Isak. We’re talking about the adaptation of ne of my favourite books.”

“Brilliant, that’s a da- um, that’s a deal, then,” Isak croaked out.

“But we _have_ to see it once it’s out in the cinema,” Even sternly said. “Support the art and the artists.”

 

*

 

He came out of the lecture hall with an urge to shout “freedom!” but he wasn’t in an American film, just in Norway, so better not. He dialled Elias’s number and called him.

“Sup’ loser?”

“Is that a way to answer the phone to your best friend?”

“Who said you were my best friend?”

“You when you realised Yousef had a crush on your sister a year or so ago.”

Even heard Elias groan.

“Whatever. How did it go?”

“Alright, I guess.”

“Your self-confidence has no bound.”

“Likewise.”

“You’re coming home? We were planning on ordering some pizza tonight.”

“Nope. I, um, I actually called to tell you that I’m going to hang out with Isak for a bit,” Even grimaced, waiting for Elias to say something, anything. After a few quiet seconds he did.

“It’s like 18:00.”

“And?”

“It’s kinda late.”

“It’s not _that_ late.”

“It is to hang out with a boy you have a crush on.”

“It’s just movie night, Elias, you can put the whole defensive friend behaviour away for a few hours.”

“Alright, text us when you’re coming back home, maybe we’ll have some guests,” Elias said and Even could hear the smirk that probably was forming on his stupid face.

“Like who? Sana?”

“I hate you, bye,” Elias groaned before hanging up.

Even laughed and texted Isak to tell him he was on his way. The boy had texted him this morning to give him his address. He’d told him he was living with roommates as well. Even was a bit nervous to meet them. Were they like Isak? Or totally different.

 

 

It turned out that they couldn’t be more different.

When Isak had opened the door, there were a tall skinny guy and a small blonde girl behind him, staring at Even.

He’d learned the guy’s name was Eskild, he was energetic as hell and it seemed that he had no brain to mouth filter. Especially when he’d called him “sex on a stick” and Isak’s face had turned bright red. The blonde girl was Noora and she seemed nice enough.

“We have another roommate, Linn, but she’s sleeping,” Isak said as he led Even in the small living room.

“Sleeping?” Even asked looking at his watch.

“Yeah, well. She’s, um, she sleeps a lot.” Even’s stomach churned. “Anyway! Do you want something to drink? I don’t have any caramel macchiato, but we have some tea if you’re up for it?” Isak asked with a smile.

“Tea would be nice.”

“You better not let Baby Jesus make you that damn tea,” Eskild exclaimed.

“Baby Jesus?” Even looked at Isak, biting his lips not to laugh.

“Shut up,” the smaller boy told him from the kitchen counter where he was putting a teabag in a mug. “Enough with the nicknames. And you’re welcome to make the tea.”

“But then Sexy Giraffe would owe me,” Eskild said with what Even could only describe as an evil smirk. He felt his cheeks flush a little bit.

“Eskild,” Isak groaned.

“Let me,” Noora came up to Isak to take care of the water and kettle.

 

 

Once Noora had made his tea, Isak grabbed his hand, which promptly caused Even’s heart to stop beating for one millisecond, and led him to his room.

“We’re not going to watch it in the living room, they’re only going to ogle  you the whole time,” Isak told him as he opened a door in the corridor. If Even was ready to let his mind go wild he would say that Isak’s voice had a jealous undertone to it, but that might be his fantasy speaking.

Steaming mug in hand, Even let himself look around Isak’s room while the boy was taking his laptop and turning it on. The walls of his room were plain but were covered in all sorts of memes here and there. It looked very Isak-like. Except that the memes were oddly placed. It seemed like something was missing from the middle of them, a poster of some kind had been there.

Isak caught him staring at his wall and chuckled.

“High school was wild.”

“What was there?” Even pointed at the blank space on the wall.

“Again, high school was wild. Trying to be someone I wasn’t and all that. Ah,” Isak exclaimed. “I’ve got the film, are you ready?”

“We’re going to be crying like babies by the end of it, it’s going to be pretty pathetic, but yes!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t cry,” Isak scoffed.

“Alright, manly man.”

 

They sat down on Isak’s bed (which Even was trying to not have an aneurism about), their backs against the wall and their thighs touching, the laptop at the end of the bed.

Isak went to press play when Even reached for his hand, stopping him.

“What, now?”

“Shit, I. I don’t think I can watch it like that,” Even rushed to say. He felt utterly ridiculous. There he was, having a chance to watch probably the most beautiful film with the most beautiful boy, but he couldn’t do it.

“What do you mean?”

“I know it’s dumb, but _Call Me by Your Name_ is actually one of my all time favourite books, and it feels like I’ve been waiting forever to finally watch the movie but not…like that. I mean. I want the whole experience that comes with it, the cinema, the big screen, their voices whispering in my head, the music. I feel like watching the leaked version kind of deprives me from all this.”

“I get it,” Isak told him with a small smile.

“You’ll totally come with me, though. I mean, if you want to.”

“Of course, I can totally pay to watch you cry.”

“Dick,” Even punched his shoulder with his own.

“Well. What now?”

“You could tell me how you ended up in this flat?”

“You’re only at like, level 3 or 4, you’ll have to wait for that story.”

“Fair enough. Did you meet Eskild and Noora in Nissen?”

“Noora and I were in the same year. Now she’s my best friend’s ex’s girlfriend.” Even laughed. “Yeah, I know. Complicated. Anyway, they were all pretty supportive and helpful to me during my third year. When everything went to shit,” Isak finished, with a sad smile.

Even didn’t resist the temptation this time. He just couldn’t. Even with Isak’s casualness and small smile, his eyes were sad as if reminiscing all that had happened during his third year. Even’s heart ached for his, and so, he took Isak’s hand, just like that, and squeezed.

‘I understand. My friends are pretty amazing too. They were also all there when my first third year went to shit as well. I’d even considered changing schools and coming to Nissen but didn’t, in the end. That whole third year time two was a...rough patch.”

Even looked at his laps throughout, wondering why he was telling his life story to Isak. That was until he felt Isak’s hand squeeze his own and he looked up that he realised why he did tell him. Isak’s green eyes were looking at him with infinite kindness that made his heart clench painfully and the dead butterflies in his stomach come back alive.

He smiled despite his inner struggle and told Isak, “looks like our paths are intertwined or something.”

“In another universe, you probably transferred to Nissen, we became friends and you prevented me from doing dumb shit after dumb shit.”

“Who’s putting himself down, now?” Even whispered, his eyes still locked on Isak’s. Their hands still intertwined, as much as their paths. Their side touching. The more time passed, quiet, and charged with something that Even couldn’t identify yet, the more they leaned towards one another.

They were only centimetres apart. Breaths merging, eyes locked, skin burning. Even looked down at Isak’s lips when the boy licked them. He swallowed and looked back up only to see Isak looking at his own lips.

_Fuck_.

They leaned even more towards each other, as if attracted by some kind of invisible force. Almost, almost…

“Baby gay!” Eskild opened the door violently, promptly causing the two boys to jump, creating some distance between them.

“ _Shit_. What is it, Eskild? Have you ever heard of fucking knocking? For fuck sake.”

“Jeez, calm down, grumpy. Your father called about your mum.”

Eskild left and Isak put his head in his hands, sighing deeply.

“I’m-“ Even started to say. He actually had no idea what he was going to say. He was fucking dying inside. They were going to kiss, and it wasn’t his imagination fucking with him. He didn’t know Eskild well enough, but fuck him, to be honest.

“I’m sorry, I really have to call him back, rain check on movie night?” Isak asked, rosy cheeks and humid lips.

_Fucking hell._

“Yeah, yes,” Even croaked out.

 

 

 

It was only when he was sitting on the couch in his flat, watching Elias and Yousef wildly play Fifa, that he realised he might be in a good place to talk to Isak about him. He really fucking wanted to make a move on Isak, and what had happened a few hours ago only made him want to do that even more, but Isak needed to know about him first. And boy did that terrify Even. Isak seemed like the most gentle soul he’d ever met so Even knew he wouldn't laugh at his face or something as ridiculous as that. But. He could handle rejection, what he couldn’t handle was rejection because he was bipolar, he wasn’t sure he could handle it well.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6, woohoo!
> 
> That totally wasn't planned but i used my study break to write this so, here we are. Thanks to the nipples Even gets to hug Isak, that's mah boyyy! 
> 
> Anywayyy, this one is kinda tense. I hope you all like it, if there are any mistake, well, let's just all deal with it, and comment away what you think <3


	7. Black Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even has an episode, Isak visits him and talks and talks and talks and makes us all cry. Even's parents make an apparition. Isak reaches level 5 on Even's friendship scale, tragic backstory ensues.

He’d spent the first week of his break at his parents’. He balanced hanging out with Isak or Elias and Yousef, and studying for the rest of his finals. His mum had bugged him about never visiting them, so he endured Christmas dinner and lunch with his family. God knew he loved them all but they tended to get a bit much after some time (two hours, usually).

However, that week turned out to be a bit hectic when Even felt a manic episode coming. It wasn’t a major one, but his parents insisted on him staying home. He now understood that it was best if he did stay home, but the logical part of his brain didn’t work _that_ properly during his episodes. He ended trashing his parents’ fridge, trying to bake ten cakes in one afternoon and evening. He’d also ruined his bedroom’s walls trying to write a script for a new movie where two boys would fall desperately and utterly in love. It had been highly inspired by Isak.

Now, however, Even was laying in his bed, the blank look in his eyes staring at his equally blank walls. His dad had painted over everything after Even had shouted at him, insisting on taking pictures before he’d ruin his art. He was actually kind of glad his dad painted everything over. Just two days ago he’d felt so optimistic about the whole Isak situation, how they’d almost kissed, and how, maybe, just maybe, Isak was maybe also feeling something for him. Now though, he was not so sure anymore. Even if he was, would he still be returning his feelings when he’d learn that he was bipolar? Would he run, kicking and screaming, or would he just laugh at his face?

He buried himself a bit more into his comforter. His thoughts were heavy, too heavy on his mind. He pressed his hands on his ears. Maybe that way he wouldn’t hear them anymore, wouldn’t think them anymore.

He knew his mum and dad were in the living room talking about him. There he was a twenty-year-old college student, still a burden on his parents’ shoulders and bills. If they only had to care for Johan, everything would be fine. His twelve-year-old brother wasn’t a bother for his parents as much as he himself was. If he was just a little bit more normal, then…

_Too loud._  He was thinking too loudly. He slid even further into his bed until the comforter was above his head. He closed his eyes and let himself be transported into the darkness, even if just for a little bit.

 

The next time he came to, his parents’ voices sounded like they were just outside his door. Even had his back to the door, and didn’t turn around, but he did pull on the covers until his ear was uncovered.

“It’s really not the time, dear,” he heard his mom say. “I’m not sure he’ll react to anything, and even if he did-“

“What do you mean?” Isak cut her off.

_Isak?!_ What was he doing here?

“Well, he’s not very…responsive.”

"Why?"

“You know what, you can go in but just for a few minutes. He’s probably sleeping, but if he isn’t, don’t, uh, don’t take everything he says to heart.” Even’s dad said as Even heard his door open.

He hadn’t turned around or opened his eyes, so he stayed as he was. He wasn’t feeling like doing that anyway. Turning around felt like so much strength he didn’t feel like he had at the moment.

The door closed and then, silence. It was quiet for so long that Even almost fell asleep again, thinking that Isak had seen him, the state of him, and had gone back before his dad had even closed the door but he heard the boy clear his throat a few minutes later.

“Even?” Isak whispered.

Even wanted to tell him to go back home but he hadn’t spoken in two days and it was better if he didn’t spoke, he didn’t feel like it. He didn't feel like doing, saying, feeling, anything. 

_Please. If you see me like this you’re never going to like me_.

He felt his bed dip. Isak had probably sat down on it.

“Are you alright? The last time you answered my text it was a few days ago and it was all nonsense, something about a script and me.” Even felt himself slide slowly into the self-loathing tunnel. If he’d thought he was already in it, he slid only further. A black, black void. "Your parents were weird and didn’t tell me anything. You don’t have to tell me anything either, I’m sure I’m not on level 5 yet. I just want to know that you’re not hurt.”

“M’not,” Even whispered croakily into the covers. He felt like his heart and head hurt, like a heavy pressure was being pushed on them, but Isak didn’t need to know that.

“Good,” Isak whispered as well. “Do you want me to go?”

And, okay. He really didn’t feel like talking about all this to Isak. He didn't want to talk, period.

“You don’t have to talk, I can do all the talking,” Isak said as if he’d seen right through his thoughts.

_You? You are going to do all the talking? Who even are you?_ Even wanted to ask. He just kept quiet.

He felt the bed dip even more. Did Isak just lie down? When he spoke next, Even concluded that he did.

“What level am I even at? If we consider that level one is like the beginning of friendship, and 5 the level I need to be at to learn your whole backstory, then maybe like a 3, right?” Isak asked, not expecting an answer. _You’re at least at level 4_ , Even’s mind answered. “Anyway. I like those stars.”

His back still to him, eyes still closed, Even frowned a little. _Stars? What stars?_

“I have the same ones on my bedroom ceiling.” _Oh. The stars on the ceiling_. “Mine form the Orion belt. Supposedly. I always liked space, and stars, and all that shit. It always felt like something much bigger than ourselves was out there watching over us, or just watching.” _I hate that. I hate it. We’re so little, tiny, specs in the universe, we mean nothing_. “It’s like we’re irrelevant to the universe, and that should scare us, but instead we have the chance to do something, you know?” Isak said, again, clearly not expecting any answer. Even wanted to tell him to explain but he did just that a few seconds later. “I mean, we’re those irrelevant human beings, on this big ball floating in space, but here, on Earth, we have the opportunity to make life meaningful. Not just ours but other people’s. And don’t get me started on alternate universes. Like, the you that like that Romeo and Juliet type of crap here probably likes Transformers in another, and Adam Sandler films in another, and we’re friends, and I’m probably still giving you shit about your movie tastes.”

Even wanted to smile but then, what about his other you in all the other universes? _Are they as messed up as me? Or did they have their chance to live a normal life? Are they settled? Did they meet Isak or did they stay with Sonja? Did they marry her?_ Even’s thoughts were turning, and turning, and turning.

“But like, no other you are better, you’re all the better versions of yourselves you can be.” That can’t be true. _I can’t be a better version of myself when I’m here stuck in bed, in a bedroom with newly painted white wall because my brain is fucked_. “Like, even if I abandoned my mum at 16, got wasted and came back home with a stranger, I’m still a good person. Or something,” Isak chuckled lightly. He’d been whispering through his whole speech and wasn’t stopping. “Like some people look at me like I’m trash when they enter the coffee shop because they’re some kind of CEO or whatever, but I’m here, I’m earning my own money instead of begging my asshole of a dad, I’m paying my own rent, my own food. I'm studying bio at uni. I’m not an exemplary citizen, but I’ve managed to get through high school without giving up. I guess that means something. My tiny spot in the universe still…shines, I reckon.”

Even felt like crying. Isak was a fucking miracle of a boy and he probably didn’t even know it. Or if he did he concealed it well. It was with tears-brimmed eyes, opened to the darkness of the room, his back still to Isak, that Even whispered, “four and a half.”

“What?”

“You’re on level four and a half,” Even croaked out, his voice misused. Isak laughed silently.

“Almost there,” the younger boy said.

He felt Isak’s hand touch his shoulder and reached for it. He pressed his own hand on Isak’s for a few seconds. Even in the midst of his own hell, Even could feel his skin warm at the contact. He put his hand back under the cover and closed his eyes once more.

He must have fallen asleep again because when he woke up that evening Isak wasn’t there anymore.

 

In the end he spent another three days in bed before he felt like eating or showering. He'd missed New Year’s Eve, but that didn’t matter now.

That day he entered the living room, still wearing sweatpants and a jumper, but at least now he was clean.

His parents were sat at the table, eating dinner, when they saw Even. His mum smiled.

“Hey sweetheart.”

“Can I eat with you?” Even whispered, looking at them both.

“Of course, Even. Take a plate and come sit with us. I made some real good potato salad,” his dad said.

They were eating silently when his mum decided it was time for them to talk.

“So,” she started. When she didn’t continue, Even looked up. He raised his eyebrows. “Who’s Isak?”

If Even had been eating at that moment he would’ve choked. He didn’t really want to have that talk right now, but, oh well.

“A…friend?”

“Are you asking me?”

“No?”

“You seem like you are, baby,” his mum said with a smile. Crap, alright.

“He's a friend from uni,” Even said, this time more confidently.

“Is he?”

“Well, he was very adamant about seeing you when he came here,” his dad said. He was looking at his plate but Even knew he was smirking, he could hear it in his voice.

“Nothing’s going on,” Even said.

“…yet?” His mum asked, smiling and waggling her eyebrows. Jesus, his parents, he swore to God.

“Mum,” he groaned. “Please let me handle my love life.”

“Oh, 'love life'? So I was right! You can send my money via Paypal but I also accept bills,” his mum said to his dad. She was the one smirking now, and he was not anymore.

“Did you fucking bet on me?”

“Not you, just who he was to you. Also, language!”

“I told you he’s a friend.”

“But you both want more, quite obviously.”

“What?”

“What?”

“What your mum's trying to say is, he seems like a nice boy, and seems to like you very much,” his dad said, smiling at Even.

“He does?”

_Did he? Did he really look like he liked me?_

“Yes,” his parents said at the same time.

_Oh_.

“Right,” Even said to his food.

“Oh honey, you’re as oblivious as your father.”

“Hey!”

“Shush. Do you like him?” His mum asked him.

“Yes, but…”

“But, what?”

“I don’t, er, I haven’t told him about the whole bipolar thing,” Even gestured to himself.

“You know what to do, now. Nobody’s forcing you, but it’s better if he knows before you tell him you want to marry him and have ten babies with him.”

“ _Jesus_ , mum, that’s not how it works. And ten is an awfully big number.”

“Well, we _do_ want grandchildren,” she said as his dad nodded.

His parents were ridiculous, but, of course, they were right.

 

*

 

_Hey stranger._

_Hey Even! How are you feeling?_

_Better. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today?_

_Sure. After my shift?_

_That works._

_Okay, come at 14:00, blue boy._

_Blue boy?_

_Just deal with it, Even._

Even smiled at his phone. _This boy_.

 

Two hours later he was on his way to Starbucks. He had taken a day to think about what his parents had told him and decided that even if their, erm, relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere, Isak still needed some kind of explanation for his behaviour.

He was a bit early when he came in, so he decided that coffee couldn’t hurt. Isak was behind the counter, checking his watch. The shop was almost empty. Oslo always felt deserted today and Even didn’t even mind.

“Waiting for me to arrive?” He asked as he reached the counter. Isak jumped and looked up. He whole face morphed into a smile and his beautiful eyes shone. Even’s heart squeezed, _hard_.

“Hey stranger,” he greeted him.

“Don’t steal my line,” Even smiled.

“You have lines now?”

“I sure do.”

They smiled at each other for a few seconds before someone cleared their throat and interrupted them.

“Can you two stop making love eyes at each other, and Isak please do your work, jesus christ,” Emma exclaimed.

“You’re not the boss of me,” Isak told her as he took a cup in hand. “Small CM, I assume?” He asked Even with a smirk.

 

Once Isak was done with his shift, they decided to take their coffee outside, people watching on a bench. Even was trying to find the strength in him to start talking, but boy was that hard.

“So, you’re really feeling better?” Isak asked.

“I am,” Even smiled at him.

“What happened?” Isak asked, and Even didn’t know what it was, but he thought he saw worry in Isak’s eyes, so he decided, what the hell, there went nothing.

“Remember when I told you my third year went to shit?” Isak nodded. “Right. Well, I-“

“Wait,” Isak exclaimed. “You really don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“My parents like you, I think you’ve reached level 5 by now.”

“They do?” Isak asked, cheeks red.

Even smiled at him before clearing his throat.

“Third year was a bit of a wild ride. It was when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.” There it was, out. Even couldn’t look at Isak, but the words kept on coming. “I did a lot of dumb shit, and had to redo the year, almost transferred because of it. Everyone thought I didn’t know they called me ‘crazy boy’ behind my back. Sonja had to deal with it, with me, at the time, she stayed through it all until it was enough for her. My friends, now roommates, stayed but I feel like they have to look after me sometimes and I hate it. I’m telling you now because we’re, um, well, we’re friends and I want you to know, but I don’t want you to nurse me or anything. I’m _fine_. It happens sometimes. And I-“ The last bit was what Even had the most difficulties with. “I would understand if you don’t want to have that kind of shit in your life or-“

“Even, shut up,” Isak said, promptly stopping Even in his monologue by putting both of his hands on his cheeks.

Even’s cheeks burned. Wide eyed, he looked in Isak’s eyes, searching for something. What he saw was kind and gentle, like Isak.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. High school is a bitch,” Isak said, hands still on Even’s face. His eyes looking right through Even’s fucking soul, as always. “I’m not going anywhere, though,” he said as Even felt his thumb stroke his cheeks. He felt like choking. “You think I’m going to give all your nerd shit up now that I am at level 5? Come on, who do you think I am?” Isak scoffed, smile on his face.

“How could I dare?” Even choked out. They both laughed.

Even felt like he could finally breathe. Isak knew. He knew, and he wasn’t leaving.

_Maybe, just maybe…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! Sorry I took a long break there (is it a break if it's not voluntary?) but here I am with another fucking downer. Sorry sorry sorry, but I felt like it was necessary for Isak and Even to grow closer. 
> 
> Feeling like shit, but hey, happy new year y'all!
> 
> Comments and kudos are really fucking appreciated <3   
> Tell me what you think of this chapter! 
> 
> All mistakes are my own,bla bla bla, you know the drill about it.


	8. Transparent Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even discovers himself a slight exhibitionist kink and relieve some tensions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of smut here and there (not that explicit), hence the warning. If you're not comfortable with that, well, you've been warned.

The last few days of holidays, Even focused on studying for his last two finals. He’d spent three days in the library, only going back to the flat to sleep, eat and charge his phone.

He was currently glaring at his laptop screen, nothing coming to mind. He felt like his brain cells were going to drip out of his ears if he tried to remember something more. He looked at his phone, it was 18:47, looked around and saw that the library was almost empty. He stretched out his arms and back, still sitting at the desk, rolling his head around, closing his eyes. He let his head drop backward for a few moments, allowing himself to relax for a bit.

The library was quiet, so his mind wandered, and he let it. It wandered to a few days ago when he’d talked with Isak. How Isak had put his hands on his face, had stroked his face with his thumbs. How his touch always felt like burns on his naked skin. Isak.

He wondered…

He wondered what it would be like to feel Isak’s hand wander lower. On his arms, on his torso, his nipples, lower, and lower, and lower. His jeans were starting to feel a bit too tight for where his thoughts were going. He hadn’t touched himself in what felt like ages, but was in fact just two weeks. _It was long enough_.

Even opened his eyes. There were only two other people on this entire floor and they were nose-deep in their books and laptop, no one was paying attention to him. What the hell.

He slid a bit further into his chair, closed his eyes again, and brought his right hand to his crotch. The relief made him sigh. He imagined Isak’s hands were touching him through his jeans instead of his own. Isak’s fingers, teasing him. Pictured him straddling his thighs, right there in the library where anyone could see them. Even bit his lips to prevent the moan to leave his throat. Turned out he had a bit of an exhibitionist kink. Now wasn’t the time to mull over it. He would do that later and kink shame himself. _Whatever_.

Back to imaginary Isak on his lap. Even pictured himself putting his hands on Isak’s waist, bringing the younger boy closer, making him start moving his hips, seeking friction. He brought his own hand to his chest, tickling a nipple, making himself gasp, picturing Isak doing this. Isak, beautiful, hot Isak with his delicious lips forming a smirk, biting them as he would keep stroking Even through the jeans.

Even was about to risk getting caught and open his jeans, to bring himself off. He was achingly hard and really fucking needed to come. But a loud announcement came through the speaker of the library, breaking him out of his fantasy and making him jump.

“The library will close in half an hour,” the speakers said.

 _Fuck_. He really needed to leave. Of all bad ideas, this was the cherry on top. He would have to walk, then take the fucking tram with his hard on, trying to conceal it. _Kudos there, Even._

He picked his laptop and notebook, and stuffed them into his backpack, threw on his jacket and coat and got up. Almost at the stairs, he looked back at the desk to check if he hadn’t forgotten anything when he stumbled into someone.

That someone grabbed Even’s arms in order to keep him standing there. Even looked up and almost died on the fucking spot when he saw Isak. He was aware that they were standing awfully close. He tried getting out of his hold but Isak didn’t budge. Speaking of bulge. His dick wasn’t getting any softer and his front was fucking plastered against Isak’s. _Great, just great_. Even prayed to every god he knew of that Isak wouldn’t move much and notice because otherwise he would move countries, he swore to God. Or gods. His mind was a mess, he couldn't really think straight besides his hard dick basically asking Isak to touch it. 

“Hey there,” Isak said, with his hot, raspy voice. _Fuck him_. Not literally. But also, yes, literally. 

“Hey, hi, hey! What’s up?” Even said. Was he breathless? _Maybe_. Isak smiled, squinting his eyes.

“What’s the rush?”

“Um, my, uh, Elias called me. He needs my help for…something.” Even could lie, alright? Just not when his mind was full of lust and especially when the object of his lust was standing so fucking close t him. He could almost see all the details of Isak's gorgeous eyes. Even was dying. He thought about moving his hips a little, just a little bit, against Isak’s thigh to relieve some tension, but before the thought even finished forming in his mind Isak moved it on his own.

“Your Elias? Alright, then, are you sure you-” Isak started saying, but the chuckle that had started seemed to die in his throat when he moved his legs and one of his thigh unintentionally rubbed against Even’s crotch.

Even shut his eyes, grimacing, biting his lips.

“Um,” he started saying, not knowing what yet. Did he have to apologise? Or something? _Sorry Isak, my dick’s hard because I thought of you getting me off in the middle of the library, ha ha, okay, see you_. Yeah, no.

As he opened his eyes to try and think of something clever to say to get him out of this whole situation, he almost gasped out loud. Isak was looking at him, his eyes were dark, so dark, the beautiful green swallowed by a black sea of lust. His grip on Even’s arms only tightened.

The situation would be ridiculous when Even would think about it later. They were still standing in the middle of the library, for fuck sake. For now, though, the look Isak was giving him was only making him harder. They were staring at each other, both were panting, mouths opened, hot breaths mingling.

“Isak, I-” Even started to say, breathless again, but cut himself off when Isak licked his lips, and bit his lips. Even followed the movement with his eyes, thinking about what Isak’s pink tongue against his skin would feel like, about what it would also feel like if Isak bit his neck with his cute teeth when he felt something against his own thigh.

Was that…? Was Isak hard as well? _Jesus Christ on a fucking toast, he was going to die_. Death in the uni library caused by Isak. May he rest in peace and not jump Isak like a tree right then and there.

“The library will close in fifteen minutes, please gather your belongings,” the loud speakers said, making them jump apart by at least a meter.

“Right,” Isak said, clearing his throat.

Even didn’t know what to do. Isak’s cheeks were deeply red and Even probably wasn’t doing any better. So, he kind of fled from the scene. Yes, he did. He muttered a “I need to go” and left Isak standing there.

_What the fuck._

*

The tram ride was as awkward as he thought it would be. The whole stumbling into Isak at the library didn’t help with his…situation. So, when he arrived at the empty flat he went straight to the bathroom, throwing his backpack in the general direction of his bedroom before closing the door, undressing and getting into the shower as fast as possible.

As he let the warm water wash over him he brought a hand to his hair, combing them backwards now that they were wet. He then let his hand travel from his neck to his hard, so very fucking hard, dick. Finally, _finally_ , putting a hand on himself. Knowing that no one was home yet, Even let himself moan at the sensation.

His mind went back to the library. He imagined Isak leading him back to the desk, straddling back his thighs and opening his jeans, stroking him slowly and so deliciously, pressing his thumb over the slit. _Fuck_.

His strokes grew faster as he pictured himself putting two fingers in Isak’s mouth, the younger boy moaning around them. He imagined it being his dick instead, he imagined Isak moaning around the length, going deep, deep, deep. _Fucking fuck_. 

Even came all over his hand with a loud moan. He opened his eyes and looked at the state of himself. God, he was pathetic.

 

He was about to get out of the shower when Elias voice came out of just behind the door, causing Even to slip and almost fall.

“Get out, loser!” Elias shouted.

“You almost made me die, you dick,” Even said, gripping the side of the shower glass, heart pounding.

“Why, were you jerking off, you perv?”

“Jesus, no!” Even almost screamed, blushing. It was still hot and humid from the shower, alright?

He almost ran to his bedroom, putting his sweatpants and sweater on before letting himself fall on his bed. Today had been exhausting at best.

He let his eyes close when his phone went off. Without looking at the caller ID he picked up.

“Hello?” Even said when the caller hadn’t said anything after a few seconds of silence.

“I didn’t think you would answer,” Isak told him. _Shit, shit, shit_. He wouldn’t have if only he had checked who was calling. After Even stayed quiet, Isak spoke again. “Even?”

“Yeah, yes?” He croaked out.

“You alright?”

“Just brilliant. You?”

“Same.”

“Perfect.”

“Yeah.”

Another few seconds of silence. Shit.

“Why, um, why did you call me?” Even asked, hoping it would break the tension and secretly hoping it was a sign Isak wasn’t disgusted with him that he’d called. 

“Yes. I called you for a reason. Duh. The project. Can I send it to the professor or do you want to do it?” Isak asked, rushing over his words.

Right. Their project.

“You can do it.” To be honest it had completely gone out of Even’s mind with finals, the library, Isak's dick against his thigh. He swallowed. “Look, I’m sorry I made things awkward.”

“You didn’t,” Isak said.

“Pretty sure I did with…well. It just had been a while, you know, and I was a bit stressed, and-” He cut his rant off when Isak made a strangled sound.

“It’s fine,” he heard Isak mumbled.

“Okay cool, please, please, let’s forget about it” _before I die of humiliation because your reaction was just reflexive and not because you were turned on by me_. Even wanted to facepalm so hard. The line was silent for a few seconds before Isak spoke.

“Right,” he whispered. He sounded weird, but Even wasn’t good at interpreting people via phone calls, never had been. He needed to see the people’s face to do so. “I’ve got to go so, see you?”

“See you, Isak,” Even mumbled.

He hung up, grabbed one of his pillow before putting it over his face. He groaned loudly in it. God, how was he going to make a move on Isak when he was this much of a fucking mess? He usually was so smooth but with Isak he was such a mess of limbs and words and all the smoothness went out of the window. He didn't know how or when he would do something about his crush, but it would have to be soon. He had almost jerked off in the library, for fuck sake. It was like he had no self-preservation where Isak was concerned. 

His phone went off. He pushed the pillow off his face and took his phone. This time it was just a reminder followed by a text from Isak.

 _Dr Johansen appointment at 10 tomorrow_. Even groaned again. Fuck his life. He looked at Isak's text next and smiled to himself. 

_There's a party next Friday at mine, if you want to come. It's at 21:00 :)_

Alright, then. Maybe he hadn't made things as awkward as he thought. Perhaps, this party would provide him the courage he needed to rock Isak's world. Not sexually. Or, well, yes but also not just. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUN CHAPTER WOOHOO!
> 
> Okay, so. First thing first (I'm a realist), change in warning because some stuff happening here, not THAT explicit yet (it shall come later (like Even haha, sorry)). I felt like this chapter needed to be fun, light, and sexually charged, and for good reasons: all the previous chapters were sad and frustrating so here's a fun one. Also as a kind of thanks because y'all are so kind with this story even if my posting is sporadic, so thank you all <3  
> Things are progressing as they should, don't you worry. Also this chapter came way faster (arf no pun intended this time) that I thought it would and is a bit shorter than usual, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway! 
> 
> Tell me what you think, it warms my cold, stone heart ;) 
> 
> <3
> 
> P.S: I'm trying to get back into my thesis mindset and then uni will start again so next chapter won't be as fast. Sorry I can't just fix a day of the week or whatever, but life more often than not comes in the way.  
> P.P.S: sorry about the title, I laughed to myself for way too long.


	9. Yellow Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party at Isak's. Stuff happens *evil smirk*.  
> (Some smutt at the end, for those who don't like reading it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to change the timeline of last week's chapter. I changed Isak's text saying the party was "tomorrow" because it really wasn't working with what I had in mind for this one so instead the text's saying "party at mine next Friday" (in case you don't want to go back and check).
> 
> ALSO, picture them as they were in that fredag clip where they almost kissed at Isak's after the Kosegruppa party. AND if you want to be in the mood for this, listen to Desire by Years and Years during the dancing scene and Escalate by Tsar B for the last scene ;)

The week had passed relatively quickly. His last finals came and went. His appointment with Dr Johansen had been fine. Not great because he had had to talk about when he'd felt down during the holidays. But in the end, it was alright. He had already taken two naps since the end of his finals and slept until 11 in the morning the day after.

Now, though, he was walking down the street with Elias. Dangerously approaching Isak’s address. He had turned over and over and over again the idea of going to Isak’s party around in his mind. In the beginning he still had felt the sting. Not the sting of rejection, because Isak hadn’t rejected him, he didn’t even fucking know anything. But he was a bit humiliated to have behaved like he had in the library. Finals had really gone to his mind, that was for sure.

“You look like you’re freaking out,” Elias brought him out of his mind.

“I’m fine,” Even said, shaking his head.

“So?” Elias asked as they kept walking. _So close_. Even raised an eyebrow at him. “Have made your move yet?”

“About?”

“Who the fuck have we been talking about for several fucking months? What the fuck, Even?” Elias exclaimed.

“Right, Isak. Jesus, no need to get your panties in a twist.”

“Imma fucking twist your panties, asshole.”

“You’re not really my type, though,” Even pouted at him which earned him a punch in his shoulder.

“Smartass. I’m everyone’s type,” Elias huffed out a laugh.

“Sure, you are.”

“Chicks dig me,” said as he waggled his eyebrows. Even rolled his eyes, Elias was ridiculous. “Enough about my handsome physique,” Even scoffed at that. “Have you or have you not made a fucking move on your boy?”

“Not mine. But no, not yet.”

“What the fuck are you waiting for? For him to finish uni and leave? I thought the deal was to at least wait until finals were over. Well, good news they're over.”

“Hardy har har. I don’t know. I was so ready to do something about the whole…situation. I even thought that he might feel the same for a moment there but… I don’t know. I told you he came to see me when I was, um, feeling down, right?”

“Yup.”

“Well, he, he talked a lot. He made my heart hurt a little bit but like, in a good way. It was like I was feeling my heart grow as he kept on talking. He’s just fucking amazing,” Even finished with a sigh. Boy, he was so screwed.

“Dude,” Elias said as he stopped walking. _Just another few meters and they would be there_. Even stopped walking as well and turned around. Elias’s eyes were comically wide open.

“Are you having a stroke?” Even asked, laughing lightly.

“You’re fucking falling for the boy, oh my God, Even,” Elias shouted.

Even’s laugh died quite quickly at that. His eyebrow shot up so high they were almost in his hairline. _What. Falling in love? No, come on. No_.

But.

All the moments with Isak came back to his mind, all of them from the moment he had talked to him at Starbucks for the first time, and even from the night he’d caught a glimpse of him at the window of an apartment. He thought back to their conversations. To their almost kiss. To the library. To their texts exchanges. His heart squeezed and squeezed. His stomach fluttered. _Shit_.

He was fucking falling in love with Isak.

Even started panicking.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he kept repeating. He felt Elias's hand on his shoulder. “How the fuck did that even happen?” Even asked to no one in particular.

He just wondered how. He loved love, loved the idea of it, even if it had been ruined a little bit by his relationship with Sonja, but his occasional hook-ups had allowed him to keep everything on the safe side of things. He hadn’t even done anything with Isak. They hadn’t even fucking kissed yet.

The pressure of Elias’s hand brought him back to reality.

“Are you seriously freaking out because you just realised you’re falling for the boy you literally _have a crush on_?” Elias asked, baffled.

“I guess I am. I just wasn’t expecting it to be so, um, sudden?”

“It ain’t fucking sudden, dude. You’ve been crushing on him for months, got to know him, and apparently he’s great and the sun shines out of his ass, so no surprises here.”

“The sun doesn’t-“

“Even,” Elias groaned loudly, it resonated in the street.

“Alright, alright, alright,” Even raised his hands in defence.

“Okay, but, seriously. What’s your next move?” Elias asked. “We basically there already.” He gestured to the next door on the street. And, _crap_.

“I need a minute,” Even said, as he started backing up. Elias stopped him.

“Nah uh. I know you. You’re going to drown in your thoughts, you’re going to overthink everything, and then you’ll leave and go back home. No sir,” Elias shouted and then pulled him towards the door again.  

“Elias,” Even whined. Yup, he did. No one was allowed to judge him at the moment. He was still freaking out.

"Okay,” Elias stopped them just in front of the right door. “Hear me out: we go in, we see if we know someone in there, grab something to drink, you talk a little bit with Isak, try to get what vibes he’s sending your way, and if it’s completely platonic, then we leave. And I’ll be watching so if it seems that he's not interested I’ll see it, but I doubt that’ll happen, the dude texts you every fucking day. But anyway, do we have a deal?”

“Okay,” Even mumbled. “But you promise that as soon as I want to leave, we do?”

“Yes,” Elias groaned.

“Even if you found someone to hook up with?”

“Er- you’re asking me a lot here, like-”

“Elias.”

“Alright,” his friend sighed.

 

 

Once inside, as always when they arrived at parties, the party looked like it already had been going on for a little while. The neon paint on everyone was shining under teh weird coloured lights that had been installed just for this and it looked a little like an acid trip. Even liked it.

Eskild had opened the door when they rang the doorbell. Even didn’t even know how he’d heard it with the loud music playing through the speakers.

“Even! So glad you could make it!” Eskild exclaimed, hugging Even like they were long-life friends. His eyes landed on Elias. “And who is your friend, pray tell?” He asked with a smirk. Even is pretty sure he saw Elias blush.

“That's Elias, my friend and roommate,” Even introduced them.

“Charmed,” Eskild smiled before inviting them in.

“You sure are everyone’s type,” Even told Elias in his ear, to what the latter reacted by punching his shoulder way too hard for what it was.

Even looked around and wow. Acid trip. The playlist was set on ‘throwback’ and it made the whole thing look amazing.

“I need a fucking drink,” he heard Elias exclaim.

“I bet you do,” Even smirked.

“Shut up,” Elias said as he walked away to find the drinks.

Even stepped further into the living room. Everyone was dancing or laughing, it looked fun. He was leaning against the wall, scanning the room, trying to find Isak and thinking about texting him when he found him in the middle of the dancing bodies.

He smiled at the sight. Isak was sort of dancing, bobbing his head with a small smile on his face. He was so freaking cute.

“Stalker,” Elias said in his ears when he arrived with two beers, making Even jump.

“Thanks,” Even took the beer. Elias gestured toward it.

“That’ll be our only beer of the night so nurse it, enjoy it, cherish it.”

“Oh and why is that?”

“We’re watching ourselves tonight.”

“Okay, mum,” Even rolled his eyes, he hadn’t even planned on drinking. He wanted to have a clear mind to see Isak but he guessed one beer couldn’t be of any arm right now.

“That’s right, mister. We’re pacing ourselves, and I’ll be damned if I let you answer me in that tone.”

They were both laughing when Even looked back up and was struck by lightning. Well, not literally, obviously. He was inside, but, semantics. Isak was looking at him as he kept dancing, beer in hand, smile on his lips, shine in his eyes.

_Be still my heart._

Even smiled back, hoping his heart wasn’t going to jump out of his chest.

“Alright, I don’t need more of this shit,” Elias exclaimed.

“What?” Even looked at him.

“I don’t need more proof, dude. You were basically making heart eyes at each other. It was a bit nauseating, to be honest.”

“We weren’t making ‘heart eyes’ at each other.”

“Sure you were. His eyes were basically heart shaped when he looked at you and you practically melted right then and there. Go dance with your boy, Even,” Elias pushed him towards the sea of bodies.

Heart pounding in his chest, Even made his way through the mass of people and towards Isak. When he reached him, he realised that Isak had turned around as he kept on dancing on the rhythm of the new song that was playing.

 _Fuck it_.

Even approached him, careful of not plastering himself against Isak’s back even though his jeans looked like they’d been painted on him, _holy fuck_.

“Hey,” Even said in Isak’s ear.

Isak turned around. The boy was beaming, and it was doing things to him. Grumpy Isak was cute, but happy Isak was beautiful, gorgeous, and hot as fuck.

“Hey yourself,” Isak giggled. _Giggled_.

“Are you drunk?” Even asked, laughing, Isak’s giddiness reaching him.

“Nope, I only had a few beers, I’m just…buzzy!” Isak laughed again. “And that’s beer number…?” Isak gestured towards Even’s beer, completely forgotten.

“Number one, and I’m probably not even going to drink it.”

“Why’s that?”

“I want to stay sober for this,” Even blurted out. _Smooth, Even, so smooth_. He was starring in Isak’s beautiful eyes. The boy was glowing, and he had pink paint on his cheeks that made Even want to push him against the wall and wreck him.

 

_I must be tough. I must behave. I must keep fighting. I can’t give it up, I want to keep what’s compromising._

 

The song playing wasn’t really helping him calm down. He saw Isak’s cheek redden under the pink paint.

“Then we don’t need them,” the boy said as he grabbed Even’s beer and put it down on the floor with his own. There was a something new shining in his eyes when he came back up. “Come on, let’s dance blue-eyed giraffe!”

And with that they danced. At first it was fun, for like a few seconds, but then as the song progressed and they started itching closer and closer, and by the middle of the song they were almost nose to nose.

Even was sweaty, from dancing and from the tension. Their eyes had been locked since they’d started dancing and Even wasn’t the one who was going to look away. He wanted the blue of his eyes to merge with the green of Isak’s, He wanted it to drown him. He was a mess. A horny mess. Isak’s swaying his hips had been a sweet torture but now all he wanted to do was pull these torturous hips against him.

All his rational thoughts had jumped out of the window, so without thinking he put his hands on Isak’s hips. At first tentatively but then he saw Isak look down at his hand and smile. He then felt the boy’s hands on his own as he stepped even closer to Even.

Even should totally be freaking out, but for some reason he just wasn’t. He wasn’t afraid of it anymore. He could see the look in Isak’s eyes. He knew the look. He invented the freaking look. Even smiled back at the angel who he was indeed nose to nose with, now. He nudged his nose to Isak and then turned his head just a bit to put his mouth next to his ear.

“Is this okay?” Even said, voice hoarse. He felt Isak shudder. _Fuck_.

“Yes, Even” Isak breathed to his own ear.

If Even had been Anastasia Steele, his inner goddess would be dancing, but he wasn’t, so no inner goddess, and _why the fuck was he thinking about this shit right now?_

He was breathing hard and felt Isak’s breath against his own neck. They were both swaying their hips to the rhythm when suddenly Isak turned around with a smirk.

With this new position, Isak went back to dancing, but the swaying of his hips was now a slow grind against him, and Even was properly _dying_.

His hand flew back to the boy’s hips, but this time they gripped his shirt.

“Isak,” Even warned against Isak’s ear. To which Isak only turned his face in order to look into Even’s eyes and nodded. _This is okay, this is okay, this is okay, let’s do this_. That’s what Even read in his eyes and hoped to God he was right.

He started to move his hips again and soon realised that this wasn’t of no effect on him. On his dick, particularly. He’d been craving Isak since he’d seen him dance when he’d arrived. The boy he desired was now grinding his ass against his dick which was rapidly becoming hard.

His mind was a chorus of _what the hell what the hell what the hell_ , but he quieted it and just went with it. Tonight, just for tonight he’d try and not listen to the voice.

He felt Isak push even harder against him, throwing his head back against Even’s shoulder. Even was only human, a panting human, so he did what anyone would do in such situation. His mouth latched onto Isak’s milky white neck, rubbing his lips against it, licking it lightly. He heard and felt Isak moan lightly. That was probably Isak’s moan that spurred him in action and he grinded back, pushing his now rock-hard dick against Isak’s delicious ass.

 

 

In hindsight, that might have been what had spurred Isak on. But for now, when Isak pulled away and took his hand to leave the other sweaty bodies, Even was only confused. He only had time to catch a glimpse of Elias and Eskild talking before Isak led him to a corridor and then opened a random door and pulled him inside.

Even recognized, in his confused and turned on haze, that they were in fact in Isak’s room. Isak. The boy was standing in the middle of the room looking at Even with what looked like hunger. Even guessed he was sporting the exact same look.

But.

They needed to talk. For once, Even didn’t want a one night stand. He wanted something tangible and durable with Isak. Hopefully Isak wanted that too. He shook his head to clear out his, very horny, thoughts and spoke.

“Isak, we need to talk before anything happens,” Even croaked out. Isak bit his lip, and, _okay_ , he needed to stop this. Now Even wanted to bite it as well.

“Right, but you need to stop saying my name,” Isak said.

“Your name?” Even asked, confused.

“Fuck, yeah, every time I hear you say it makes me want to hear what other sound you can make, so if you want to have a serious conversation, just don’t,” Isak said like it was the most normal thing in the world to say while Even died a little bit. But he just nodded.

“I- er, I like you” Even blurted out. This was going _great_. Fucking hell.

“I mean, I hope so, I brought you to my room,” Isak laughed lightly. He wasn’t getting it.

“No, I really like you, like this isn’t some one-night stand for me,” Even admitted and it was a bit hard to get it out. He hadn’t been in a relationship since Sonja and had been putting half of the blame on him for the break-up but maybe, just maybe this could work. Isak and him could work.

He saw Isak smile as he stepped closer to Even and took his hand.

“Me too, Even, you can’t be this blind, can you?” Isak asked, gentle, so gentle.

“I just, I wasn’t sure.”

“Now you are, and now that it’s settled. Can we go back to what to what we were doing and talk more seriously tomorrow? Because my jeans are really uncomfortable.”

Even looked down and yes, alright, there was an unmistakable tent. Fuck. Even’s mouth almost watered.

“Yes,” he half moaned.

He had just finished saying it when Isak’s mouth was on his. They moved against one another in a passionate kiss. It was their first kiss and it was fucking perfect. Isak’s delicious lips against his. He bit his lower lip lightly before licking it which opened in a moan. Tongue against tongue, they started grinding against each other again but this time it was dick against dick. This time they both had to swallow the other’s moans.

They dry humped against each other for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, it didn’t matter, because it was so fucking good. But not enough and Isak seemed to think the same because he pulled away, but not too far. They were breathing in each other’s mouth. Panting hard.

“This is great, but I’ve been wanting to blow you for a century now,” Isak exclaimed and then fell down to his knees.

Even choked out a laugh. Isak opened his pants and in record time pulled them and his boxers down. His dick bounced up in front of Isak’s hungry eyes. The boy moaned _obscenely_ at the sight.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I fucking knew it,” Isak mumbled and before Even could ask what the hell he was on about, Isak’s warm and perfect mouth engulfed his dick so, so fucking deliciously. He bit his lips to try to quieten his moans.

“No,” Isak said as he stopped for a second. “I want to hear you,” he almost moaned out before going back to sucking the taller boy's dick, while rubbing himself through his jeans.

Even moaned ridiculously loud and thanks all the gods that there was a party going on and loud music to cover his sounds. Isak’s movement fastened and Even wasn’t even protesting. He’d been so fucking turned on since they’d started dancing that he was now _this_ close to coming but he wanted to last for Isak.

It proved to be very fucking difficult when Isak opened his mouth wider, took him deeper, choked on his dick and moaned at the same time. The sensations made Even grip Isak’s hair tight, to which the boy moaned again.

“Fuck. Isak, Isak, I’m not going to fucking last if you keep this going.”

Apparently, it was the purpose of tonight and Isak kept choking on Even’s dick. Deeper and deeper every time, and Even was so so fucking close. He felt it, right there.

“Isak, Isak, Isak, Isak, Isak,” Even moaned loudly and repeatedly as he came and came in Isak’s mouth and the boy swallowed and swallowed what he was given and moaned around his dick. _Fuck_.

He slumped against the wall, panting heavily, feeling like he'd been reborn. Isak let go of his dick and came back up, licking his lips. Fuck, he was so hot he was going to be the death of him. Even said so.

“Oh but what a way to go,” Isak said, his voice so hoarse and so wrecked that Even pulled him and attacked his mouth. He licked his own tasted out of Isak’s mouth while they were both moaning.

“Let me touch you,” Even whispered. Isak laughed lightly.

“Maybe tomorrow,” he answered. When Even raised an eyebrow at him the boy gestured to his wet jeans. “Yeah, I- I came when you did, you sounded to fucking hot.”

“Fuck,” Even breathed out. “I think I need to lie down,” he said as he felt his legs tremble.

 

Isak had lent him boxers while he himself got out of his ruined jeans and put on a new pair of boxers as well.

They were now entangled, in Isak’s bed, and Even was pretty sure this was what heaven looked like if it existed. Isak was laying half on him and Even had one hand in his curly hair. The other was in Isak’s on his own stomach, their fingers intertwined.

“I really like this,” Isak whispered in the dark. Even felt his breath tickle his skin, and butterflies fly happily in his stomach.

“I really do to,” he whispered back, tightening his fingers around Isak’s.

“Sleep now, talk tomorrow,” Isak mumbled.

Even kissed the top of his head and sighed happily.

 

Yes, this could work. Isak and him could definitely work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this, holy shitsticks. It's a bit longer than the previous one but the usual-ish length I would say (it's not it's more than 3k woops) but I really didn't want to cut it in the middle or something. Also I hate short chapters and I can't be the only one ;)
> 
> I hope you like this one (I've listen Desire by Years and Years for the whole time I was writing it and now I hate it a little bit, so pls like it) as you can see it's the 'before the last' chapter. In my defense, I never knew what I was planing but now it's clear to me.  
> Only those who have been too curious for their own good to read Fifty Shades of Grey would have gotten that inner goddess shit. Sorry for putting that in it made me laugh. Also YES Elias is back bitches, I love love love him. I try to insert him in my fics just because. And a 'blink if you miss it' attempt at EliasxEskild. Don't judge me.
> 
> Anyhoo. Hope there aren't too many mistakes. Please tell me what you think in the comment, as always they make me feel warm. Thank you all for the love <3


	10. Purple Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after aka fluff and smut.

The first thing Even felt when he woke up was the warmth. So much warmth. All around him. His eyelid felt too heavy to open his eyes just yet. He wiggled a bit when he felt an arm tighten around his waist and- _wait_. Even’s eyes popped open, the heaviness forgotten.

He looked around and realised that yes, this was Isak’s bedroom. He was in his bedroom, in his bed. In bed _with_ Isak.

 _Holy shit_.

He looked down and that was indeed Isak’s arm touching his naked stomach, his fingers spreading loosely over it. Even’s heartbeat quickened, and he brought his hand to Isak’s. His fingers grazed Isak’s, his hand, his arm, then back to his hand. He saw the goose bumps on Isak’s arm and smiled. He laced their fingers together just so that his palm was against the back of the boy’s hand.

Even closed his eyes again and allowed himself to breathe, slowly. Yesterday felt like a million moons ago. They’d danced together, as they’d slept together. And the blowjob. _Don’t think about that now, Even_.

He tried to clear his thoughts. They needed to talk. Over breakfast, preferably. Even wanted to make Isak breakfast and drink a ridiculously sugared coffee just so that Isak would roll his eyes.

Even wiggled again. Now that he was awake, the cover was too much. It was too hot, and he had Isak against his back, radiating warmth. The arm around him tightened again, though. Even stopped moving. Isak used his arm to bring Even closer to him.

Was Isak awake? If he was he wasn’t making himself known. What if he was putting it off? Maybe he was awake but didn’t want to say so just to avoid talking with Even? _No, Isak isn’t like that._ If anything, yesterday showed Even he wasn’t the only one in this.

Even was still thinking, and maybe he was thinking too loudly. He had the habit of doing that. In any case, he heard Isak make a noise. Even listened carefully. Maybe the boy was waking up after all. Then, Isak moaned, silently and throatily. Even’s eyes opened and widened all at once. He felt Isak’s hand below his own tighten and Isak moved even closer, so much closer that now his front was plastered to Even’s back.

“Morning,” he heard a sleepy Isak tell him not so far from his ear.

“Hey,” Even whispered.

“You’re still here.” It wasn’t a question and without looking at his face Even couldn’t tell if Isak was surprised or not.

“I am,” Even said. “Are you surprised?”

“Just not used to it,” Isak said, the statement heavy. When Even tried to turn around to look at him Isak tightened his grip even more. “No, it’s fine.”

“I know you are and it is. I just want to look at you when we talk.”

Isak groaned but loosened his grip. Even turned around and was welcomed with a sleepy-faced Isak, a pool of blonde curls on the pillow, like a beautiful golden crown. Even smiled at him. He was so beautiful. He couldn’t stop himself, and he was already in bed with him, so he carded his fingers through Isak’s hair. The younger boy hummed as he closed his eyes.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Even whispered, almost in awe.

Isak’s cheeks coloured and he shook his head.

“Stop it.”

“What? It’s true.”

“That’s because I blew you yesterday,” Isak huffed.

“ _Jesus_ , no. I mean, you were fucking hot doing that too but that’s not why I’m saying it. I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful boy.”

“That’s what you thought when you ordered the death macchiato that first time?” Isak raised his eyebrow, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“That’s what I though when I saw you the night before,” Even said as he brought his hand to Isak’s rosy and warm cheek.

“What do you mean?” Isak frowned.

Even thought back to that night, his thoughts, and Isak at the window.

“The night before, I was out for a walk, to just breathe you know. At one point, in a totally random street, I stopped, and I saw you at a window of an apartment at like, the third floor or something? You were at what looked like some kind of party.”

“Oh yeah,” Isak said lightly as if remembering the night. “So, when you walked in Starbucks the morning after?”

“I had no idea who you were. That was the first time I saw you, properly, I mean.”

“Wow,” Isak breathed out.

They smiled at each other for a while. They were ridiculous. Even wanted them to talk. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t the only one falling deep, deep into that black but blissful abyss that was love.

“But you, um” Even closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to.

“Starbucks was the first time I saw you, if that’s what you’re asking,” Isak said.

Even looked in his green beautiful eyes and inhaled before speaking.

“I used to hook up with people every now and then, after Sonja, I mean. The break-up with her wasn’t, um, peaceful, I guess. I wasn’t in a good place. I’d stopped to see my therapist for a few months. It was pretty bad, I had a lot of dark thoughts, I mean, darker than usual. No, please, let me finish. I want us to talk so I have to say this,” Even said when he saw Isak open his mouth to stop him. “I wanted to feel something. I wanted something to wake me up from this numb daze I was in. And stupidly enough I thought that having sex with strangers was a good way to try and do that. Yousef and Elias helped me realise it really wasn’t the solution to just stop seeing my therapist and stop taking my meds. It was just a good way for me to fuck things up, again.  Well, that’s not how they said it but that’s how I see it.” He’d always seen his episodes like his fuck-up episodes. He always fucked up when he was manic. He’d also managed to fuck up once or twice in the aftermath when he’d been so depressed that he lived in a black hole for two long weeks. Fuck-ups. “Anyway, I’d been better for a few weeks when I saw you, but I still had my moments. That’s why I was out walking at like, midnight.”

“Even,” Isak croaked out. His eyes were sad and Even hated it. They hadn’t even begun _anything_ yet that he’d already put that look there.

“Not done,” Even said as he pushed his index in front of Isak’s mouth. Isak smiled that small shy smile that made him want to cry happy tears. “I decided, after I saw you and got to know you, that I’d continue to focus on myself, so to speak, and that after finals, if I still felt this...crush, I guess, then I would talk to you. It didn’t seem like you were repulsed to the idea of being with me, and last night surely made that sure, but I need to know,” Even rushed to say.

He was pretty sure he’d babbled away everything and that it wasn’t even clear what he wanted to make Isak understand. He just looked at the younger boy with hope, so much hope.

“What do you want to know?” Isak asked softly.

“This isn’t a one-night stand for me, Isak. If you feel like it, if you want…me, I’m all in,” Even said as he looked at his hand, now resting between them on the bed.

“I admit that at first I thought you only wanted to get into my pants, and you flirted constantly, which didn’t help. I have some sort of trust issues, if you hadn't noticed yet, it has to do with that ex back in high school I told you about. But, anyway, the more we hung out and the more I saw that you weren’t like that. You’re so fucking nice all the time, and you’re like this love chest and every time you smile it opens the lid and you manage to make the person you're smiling at happier. I’ve been the target of that smile, I know,” Isak chuckled and the golden, curly crown above his head moved rhythmically.

Even was looking at him, mouth open. Was he dreaming? He resisted the urge to pinch himself.

“This isn’t a one-night stand for me, either,” Isak said. “We’ve wasted so much time, though.”

“Are you serious?” Even asked, unsure.

“Well, yeah, we could’ve been together since the end of exams.”

“No, not about that,” Even shook his head. “Do you…like me?”

“God, you have no idea, do you?” Isak asked, and Even wasn’t sure if he needed to answer that.

He looked into the deep green forest, ready to get lost in it. Without breaking their eye contact, Isak took Even’s hand in his and put it above his heart.

“Apparently, I wasn’t as obvious as I thought I was, so yes, Even I fucking like you, you’re like this incredible giraffe,” Isak huffed out, a small smile on his lips.

Even choked out a laugh. It felt like his heart was going to explode and Isak’s wasn’t doing any better under his hand if the rapid beating was anything to go by.

“Okay,” Even smiled. “Can I kiss you now?”

“You can,” Isak whispered as he leaned his head.

This time the kiss was better. It was slow, now they had the time. There was nothing pressing them on. Time wasn’t running away from them. Isak was right there against Even. _He liked Even_. He couldn’t wrap his head around it so instead he just focused on his lips against Isak’s deliciously cute ones.

They kissed for what felt like ages until Isak’s stomach gurgled. They separated putting some distance between their mouth but not so much. Just enough so they could look at one another without going cross-eyed.

“Hungry?” Even asked, smiling. Isak nodded, smiling back. _So fucking sweet_. “Let me make you breakfast, please.”

“I’m not going to say no to that, I usually eat cereals,” Isak laughed. Even did too.

“I'm not one bit surprised by that.”

 

 

Once the coast had been declared clear, they both went to the kitchen. And while Even tried to prepare something with what Isak had gotten from random cupboards, Isak was sitting on the counter.

“I like this,” Isak smiled.

“Me cooking for you?” Even raised his eyebrow.

“That also,” Isak smiled. “But just you in my flat. I like it.”

Even looked down at what he was doing, feeling his cheeks flush. He liked it too.

Isak took his phone and put some random rap song on.

“What’s that? It’s good,” Even said as he bobbed his head.

“Dave East. You don’t know him?” Even shook his head. “He’s really fucking hot.”

“Is he now?”

“Yeah, he got the whole beard, hair, tattoo, eyes, smile going on that works really fucking well for him. The muscles also don’t hurt,” Isak rambled. _Cute_.

“Seems like you should be with him instead of me because I’m never going to get that whole aesthetic going on,” Even said, looking down at himself.

“Nah, you’re perfect, trust me,” Isak said as his eyes traveled down Even’s body and up again. “Don’t you have this celebrity you’d fuck in a heartbeat.”

“Jesus,” Even laughed.

“What?”

“I’d imagined our morning after much more romantic than that,” Even waggled his eyebrows. He really had, though.

“Get your extra, gorgeous ass over here,” Isak said as he reached for his hand and pulled Even towards him.

When Even was between Isak’s thighs, the young boy hugged him. It felt so fucking nice being hugged by Isak. He tightened his arms around Isak’s back while Isak’s arms were around his own neck.

“If you want me to say that I’m feeling so happy you’re standing in my kitchen that I feel like my heart’s going to jump right out of my rib cage, I’ll do it when it’s not so early.” Isak said next to his ear.

Even’s own heart missed a beat. _Damn_.

“You just did,” he breathed out next to Isak’s ear.

“Whatever,” Isak huffed. “For now, baby, tell me which celebrity you’d fuck?”

Even’s knees almost buckled at the endearment. He felt like his whole body was burning but a laugh bubbled out of him anyway. This boy made him so happy, _God_.

“Show me a picture of that Dave East, maybe we could have a threesome,” he said.

Even laughed and pushed him away.

“Oh my God, Even, you can’t say shit like that, I’m going to be imagining it, now.”

“More reasons to show me what he looks like.”

 

 

They bantered all the while they ate breakfast. It was quiet and lovely, so lovely. It wasn’t like Even had imagined it but somehow it was even better. They were currently playing footsies under the table, they were both laughing, and Even’s heart felt like it was going to explode with happiness. If anyone asked him to describe the perfect morning, that would be it.

“Seriously though, you’ve never had a list of people who you’d like to fuck?” Isak asked and Even laughed again. Isak was ridiculous.

“Not really, whoever I think is attractive does it for me.”

“Is that right? So, I do it for you?” Isak smirked.

“I thought we’d already established that when I came in your mouth yesterday,” Even said casually, making Isak choke on his coffee and blush furiously. That would never stop being cute.

“You made me choke, asshole,” Isak coughed as he laughed.

“That also, yes,” Even nodded.

“Oh my God,” Isak laughed. “Someone’s horny,” he said as he looked Even in the eyes.

“Well, I did wake up next to you, what did you expect?” Even smiled.

“That does it for you, as well?”

“You have no idea,” Even said lowly.

“It’s just morning, whatever,” Isak huffed as he shook his head as if not believing him.

“Do you not know how attractive you are to me, Isak?” Even asked softly because he needed to find a way to make Isak understand how gone Even was for him might that be in the morning, at lunch, in a club, or in his bed.

“Come on, I know, just that, I don’t know, people are gross in the morning.”

At that Even gasped loudly and put a hand on his heart.

“Who are you calling gross in the morning?”

“Shut up, you’re never gross,” Isak laughed and put his hand, as if absentmindedly, on Even’s.

“No?”

“Nope.”

“I’m glad you think so because neither are you,” Even smiled as he laced his fingers with Isak’s. Isak smiled and it did something to his heart. More, Even needed more smiles from Isak. “Do you not know what it did to me to feel you everywhere around me this morning?” Even asked and Isak’s mouth opened slightly. “Your hand was on my stomach and I felt every one of your fingertips on my skin,” Even said as he tightened his hold of said fingertips. “I felt your breath against by neck, your stomach againt my back, your dick against my ass. It drove me fucking wild Isak. Had we been more awake, and hadn’t we needed to talk, I would have eaten you out on sight,” Even finished, his voice raw. As he had kept talking Isak’s breath had stuttered, he’d tightened his own fingers around Even’s and he kept biting his fucking lips.

Their legs were entangled under the table and Isak was looking at him with dark eyes, his mouth slightly open, his lips red as he’d bit them during Even’s horny monologue. Isak licked his lips as Even followed the movement with his eyes. Even bit his own lips. He thought back to yesterday and those sinful lips around his dick as Even had died the sweetest way. _Shit_.

“Do you want to-“ Isak started to say while looking at Even’s own lips but they were interrupted by a loud voice.

“Good morning, baby gay!” Eskild exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. He then saw Even also sitting there. He squinted at him. “Even, did you stay the night, by any chance?”

“Er-“ Even started to answer. His mind was full of lust and he had actually no idea how comfortable Isak was with his roommates, so he didn’t know what was acceptable to say.

“None of your business,” Isak cut him off, without bothering to look at Eskild. He was still staring at Even. The green of his eyes still darkened by his pupils. He was looking at Even like he was the only meal available and boy was it doing something toEven. Eskild could as well have not been here, Even felt himself harden in his sweats and started to calculate how much strength could it actually take to carry Isak to his bedroom.

Isak might have realised the look in Even’s eyes because he shook his head and exclaimed, “we’re going to my room,” before getting up quickly, throwing a pointed glance at Even and leaving the kitchen.

Even took his time to leave, managing somehow to hide his semi with his hands but not before Eskild put himself in front of him.

“Slow down, sex monkey, we need to have the talk,” he told Even as he blocked his way to the corridor.

“The talk?” Even asked confused. Eskild looked at him seriously.

“I need you to know that Isak’s been through so much shit that if, even for one nanosecond, you're thinking of hurting him, I know how to hide a body and would have no regret doing anything that would be required of me if you did hurt him, _comprende_?”

“Got it,” Even swallowed. _Jesus_ , alright, what a way to kill his boner.

He came into Isak’s bedroom thinking that, if anything, Isak would be more prone to hurt him than Even would ever be. He had the tendency to give his heart too willingly. He needed to make sure of one thing, though, before giving it this time.

Before he could even get out of his own head, Isak backed him up against the door he had just closed.

Even gasped as he felt his back hit the hard surface of the door. He looked at Isak and his eyes were dark, so dark. He had taken his shirt off but had kept the sweatpants. Isak placed his arms around Even’s neck, leaned in but didn’t kiss him, just rested his forehead against Even.

Their breath mingled, and Even’s dick was starting stir back up again but Even needed to-

“Isak,” Even let out.

“Yes?” Isak whispered, his breath hitting Even’s lips.

“Do you, are we, ugh,” Even huffed. So fucking smooth. “I need to know before we do anything more because I always overthink stuff and then forget to ask and then I end up fucked over. Would you maybe want to go on a date with me?” Even asked Isak quickly.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” Isak asked slowly, smile tugging on his lips.

“Maybe?” Even winced.

“I thought we'd established that already this morning, but to get you like this all day, every day? Fuck yes,” Isak let out.

“So, you just want me for my dick?” Even pouted although his brain was short-circuiting. Did Isak just say yes? To be his fucking _boyfriend_? Fuck. He felt like a 13-year-old boy.

“Yes definitely, but you’re also this ridiculously hot, kind and amazing film nerd who convinced me to read his favourite book even though it was going to break my heart,” Isak whispered, looking at Even with what looked like awe in his eyes.

Even let out a hard breath. He took Isak’s face in his hand and looked in his eyes. Just looked for what felt like hours, the tension making their skin feel electric. Even brought his thumb to Isak’s lips and pressed lightly. Isak’s mouth opened. Even felt his warm breath against his thumb and shivered. This was not enough, he was about to explode.

He attacked Isak’s mouth, or that was what it felt like to him. He pushed his lips to Isak’s, no time for soft and sweet, they’ll do that later. He pushed his tongue in Isak’s mouth. The boy moaned loudly against his mouth as his pushed his own against Even’s.

When making out against the door became too much and not enough all at once, Even pushed his hand against Isak's chest, not too far, just enough to detach their mouths. Isak’s mouth looked obscene and Isak wanted to fucking _eat_ him.

“On the bed,” he croaked out.

“ _Fuck_ , yes,” Isak whispered as he basically threw himself on the bed, settling against the headboard.

“What do you want?” Even asked, his voice as raw as if they’d done more than making out. He threw his shirt over his head as Isak wiggled out of his sweatpants. Even kept his own on, waiting for Isak’s answer. He’d do anything the boy would ask.

“I want, I want, _fuck_ , I want you inside of me,” Isak moaned as if imagining it. He rubbed himself through his briefs and that was it for Even.

He practically jumped on the bed and his mouth was back on Isak’s. Isak spread his legs just so Even could fit in-between as he took his own sweatpants off. Their hands were travelling along the other’s body, exploring more, always more.  Even’s hand grabbed Isak’s cock through his underwear making Isak moan loudly again.

“Take it off, take it off, take it off,” Isak was babbling against Even’s mouth. Who was Even to refuse him?

He hooked his finger on the waistband of the younger boy’s briefs and without much more anticipation just slid them down Isak’s thighs and legs until he could throw them somewhere in the room. He looked down and saw Isak’s hard, thick length, red with desire, just as Isak’s cheeks.

Isak was looking at him with so much hunger that Even slid down the boy’s body and without further ado swallowed down Isak’s dick while moaning. _Finally_. As his head bobbed up and down he realised quickly that Isak was also very vocal during sex. His moans were loud like he had no inhibition, like he forgot completely and utterly that they weren’t the only two people in the flat, in the fucking universe.

Even let go of Isak’s dick with a wet pop sound, licked his lips, licked the taste of Isak. The boy above him was a mess, one of his hand was grasping the sheet so hard his knuckles were white, and his other hand was in his hair messing it even more.

“Turn around,” Even said throatily.

Once Isak was on his stomach, Even looked at his back and ass like it was a revelation. Isak was fucking glorious, and _God_ his ass, he just wanted to-

He spread Isak’s cheeks and dived head first, licking and slurping against Isak’s hole as if he were a gourmet meal.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, _Even_ ,” Isak was moaning again. Even wasn’t complaining, he fucking loved the noises Isak was making but he was sure the walls weren’t thick enough to cover them.

“Isak, your roommates,” Even mumbled, barely parting from Isak’s hole.

“Fuck them, fuck all of them,” Isak exclaimed, his mind probably going wild with lust. “Even, I need you to fuck me before I come,” the boy let out, panting.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Even muttered as he grabbed his dick at the base preventing him to come right the fuck now. The effect he had on Isak was fucking addictive. “Lube?”

“Nightstand,” Isak panted against his pillow.

Once his finger was all lubed up he used his non-lubed hand to part Isak’s cheeks. He pressed his lubed finger against Isak’s hole, just massaging, giving Isak time to get used to it but the boy had other ideas.

“Come on, Even, you can take it slow another time,” Isak said as he pushed his ass against Even.

 _Right_. _Fuck_. Isak was going to kill him. He was so desperate it made Even’s dick hurt so good. He pushed his finger in Isak slowly as Isak breathed out hard. He started fucking him with only that finger but soon Isak asked for more, and more, and more. When Even had three of his fingers pumping in and out of Isak and the boy was making so many fucking noises, Even realised he could do this for hours. Just pleasuring Isak. Although the tight heat around his fingers was slowly driving him mad.

“Please, _Isak_ , tell me you’re ready,” Even groaned.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, come on,” Isak moaned.

“Not like this, though,” Even let out. “I want to look at you when you come on my dick.”

“Fucking hell, Even,” Isak breathed as he turned around. His dick was so hard it looked like it might hurt. The boy spread his legs wide and Even positioned himself between, pushing a pillow below Isak’s lower back.

Once he’d rolled the condom on, Even forced himself to push into Isak slowly, so, so slowly. He knew he was a bit bigger than average and sure as hell didn’t want to hurt Isak. Once he was balls deep into the boy and breathing heavily, hanging on a tight, so very tight, rope, he waited for Isak to get used to it, to _him_.

“Fuck,” Isak whined, eyes closed.

“Am I hurting you?” Even panted above Isak, stroking his cheeks. Isak opened his eyes and Even saw that no, he wasn’t hurting.

“I feel so fucking full, _fuck_ , I’m never going to get tired of this,” Isak babbled away, panting heavily as well, wiggling his ass making Even’s hips stutter a bit. “ _Fuck_ , Even, move, _please_ ,” Isak begged.

After that they were a blur of movements. They couldn’t go slow, not now, they were both drowning in lust, in desire, both chasing their release. Even was pounding against Isak. Feeling the hot tightness of his hole around his cock made him moan, and groan, and breathe sweet nothing to Isak. The latter wasn’t doing any better, it sounded like he was dying in the very best of ways. His roommates were going to hate them but God, it would be so worth it.

“So close, so close, fuck,” Isak was moaning and it was driving Even up the wall.

He was so fucking close as well so he lowered his body against Isak’s, both so sweaty that they glided against each other deliciously. Even put his head in the crook of Isak’s neck, his mouth just next to Isak’s ear.

“Isak, fuck, I’m going to need you to come, I can’t last longer you feel so good, so fucking good, it’s like you were made for me, you take my dick so well, _fuck_ ,” he was panting wildly into Isak’s ear while pounding furiously against his ass, the skin was probably red as hell by now.

“Yes, yes, fuck, come, Even, come in me, I want to feel you come inside of me,” Isak moaned against his own ear, breath humid against it.

Even came with loud groan, hips pushing and drilling into Isak, feeling his dick pulse inside him. Once he was done, he pushed himself up enough to put his hand on Isak’s dick, stroke once, twice, and the boy came with a shout, coating Even’s and his own stomach with his come. When Isak finished, Even slid out slowly and took his own shirt to clean them both. He threw the shirt away and lied down on the bed pulling Isak half on top of him so that his head was on his chest.

“Fucking hell,” Isak whispered against his skin.

Even was feeling completely blissed out and couldn’t help but agree. He hoped he would never get used to it.

“Yeah,” he breathed out. “And wait until I take you on a proper date.”

Isak laughed, “I doubt it’ll be the same, unless the date will be at your place?”

“No, it won’t. We would never make it out,” Even laughed.

He felt so good, just happy to be where he was and wasn’t that something? He heart squeezed at the feeling, so he tightened his hold on Isak’s shoulder and kissed his hair.

“I still can’t wait,” Isak mumbled. He sounded like he was very close to falling asleep, again. Even smiled to himself, and looked up, thanking any gods out there, the stars, the universe, to have allowed him to be where he was right now, happy and blissed out with Isak.

“I know you’re just coming down from it and I’m happy you’re finally getting some with Handsome Giraffe, baby gay, but jesus lord, could you be less noisy, please? It felt like I was right there with you,” Eskild loud voice came from just outside the door. Isak’s face scrunched up.

“And believe me, no one wants that,” Isak shouted back. “I’d rather keep you to myself,” he mumbled to Even, eyes closed.

“I’ll let you,” Even smiled down at him and looked at him falling asleep, slowly.

 

Life had funny ways, but right there, watching Isak, beautiful, kind Isak sleep, he felt as happy as could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so first of all, I'm so sorry I haven't updated earlier. I know it's been more than a month, I feel like shit about it, but life was so very busy, I'm writing my thesis at the same time and got lots of additional work, so yeah. Anyway, last chapter! I probably could have done more than 10 chapters to be honest, and maybe one day I will, but uni has got me in a tight grip so I don't think I'll be able to do more for a few months.
> 
> I'm feeling pretty good about this chapter, Isak and Even are happy, talked, had sex, life, man! 
> 
> Please, tell me what you thought about this chapter, and this story in the comments <3 Do you think i should add more chapters once I'm done with uni?
> 
> As always I proofread myself, and seriously, thank you for the love and patience! <3 I'm on Twitter @dvorahhal if you fancy ;)


End file.
